The ship of broken dreams
by Ladymischief09
Summary: It was my first night on the so called ship of dreams. I was one of the first class passengers and everything was perfect. Music played while everyone danced, clad in beautiful silks and jewels and i was wrapped up in his arm. And then i realised i was forever to be bound to the ship of broken dreams.
1. Ch 1 ship of broken dreams

Chapter 1. The ship of broken dreams.  
-Present time-

"That night was a magical night. So beautiful and forever frozen in my mind. Everything was perfect but so heartbreakingly bitter. It was my first night on the Titanic, the so called 'ship of dreams' and i was one of the first class passengers. Every one was clad in beautiful silks and jewels and the hall was alive as ever, music played as i danced with the man i loved. Everything was perfect, i wore my favourite blue dress and my new silk gloves. "

~~~~~~~~~ Flash back~~~~~~~~

"You look lovely, my dear" cal whispered as he spun me around in one swift motion.

I smiled at him sweetly. "And you look absolutely dashing, cal"

He smiled. "You're too sweet my dear" i looked into his deep brown eyes and sighed with contentment. If only time could just stop.

"I just wish your sister was like that towards me" he said as he looked in rose's direction talking (bantering) with our mother. She looked absolutely beautiful. Her green eyes shimmering in the light of the crystal chandeliers. Yes, i was in love with my sisters fiancé. Every time i looked at my sister and how cal's ever present gaze would follow her every move my heart would break just a little and i'd just smile sweetly at them, never letting them see the tears that i'd tactically wipe from the edges of eyes pretending to shield my them from the wind or saying that the tears i did spill came from a sudden yawn, telling them that i was tired and i would retire to my room to rest.

"Why don't you ask her to dance then?" I asked him as he pulled me from one direction to another. I swallowed the lump and the tears that threatened to escape. He smiled sadly and looked in her direction once more. I stared at him and i could almost hear the sound of glass breaking as my heart did when i saw the love he had for my sister in his brooding brown eyes.

"Perhaps i should" he said and i gave him a small smile of encouragement that made my eyes water even more.

He pulled me away from the dance floor as the music ended and he held my hands in his arm as we walked towards my sister and mother.

"Hello Mrs. Dewitt, I'm terribly sorry for whisking away your youngest daughter from you. But i must say she is quite the impeccable dancer" i smiled bitterly as his compliment made my heart ache even more.

"Oh, hello there Mr. Hockley, yes she is quite the little dancer in our family. She's always loved doing the waltz even as a little girl, but i must say that her absolute favourite is ballet. Isn't that right Iris?" I quickly nodded and smiled at them sweetly.

I sighed to myself as i thought about what i was about to say and immediately i knew that my heart will surely break. I unfastened my hand from cal's arm and withdrew myself from him.

"Yes, but as much as i'd love to dance some more i do feel a bit woozy, perhaps a bit too much champaign. But sister you really must dance with Mr. Hockley, he is quite the charmer you know." Rose looked at me a bit alarmed but she quickly erased the look on her perfect porcelain face.

"Yes rose, do dance with Mr. Hockley" mother said authoritatively. Cal took rose's hand and kissed it charmingly and i turned away from the sight before me pretending to see someone i knew. As the two of them descended into the dance floor my mother linked her arms with mine and smiled as she looked at the dancing couple.

"Don't you think they make a handsome couple, my dear?" She said and i stared at them for a moment. Cal smiled at her tenderly and i lowered my gaze to the ground.

"Yes, they look... Absolutely lovely together, mother." Ruth, my dear mother nodded happily. I turned my attention back towards the handsome couple and felt my insides churn when i saw cal kiss my sisters forehead so lovingly. Everything started to turn in circles. The room was spinning so fast that i found it hard to breathe. I felt as if my corset was piercing into my lungs. It hurt. I needed some air. I need to get away from this place.

"Mother, suddenly i am not feeling so well. May i be excused?" I said a bit breathlessly. She looked at me a bit alarmed.

"My, are you alright dear? You look so pale all of a sudden. Do you need to see a doctor?" She said worriedly as she caressed my hot cheek.

"No mother i'm fine, i do not need to see a doctor but maybe some fresh air would do me well" she nodded and i immediately went outside on the top deck for some fresh air.

The cold ocean breeze wafted over me like a splash of a bucket of cold water. I inhaled deeply taking in the scent of the salty water and cold air. The sky was dark but glittered with a dusting of twinkling lights. The sound of the calm waves crashing against the ship helped me to calm down. I thought about how i first fell in love with cal. Maybe it was the day my mother first introduced him to me and rose? At first he thought that i was rose for he didn't know she had a little sister. He was so charming and sweet that i couldn't help but fall for him.

I undid the clasps on my hair letting it fall just above my hips. I have the same red hair as rose. But somehow i always thought that it suited her so much more, she was always considered the beautiful sister amongst the two of us and i too thought so as well. Compared to her i was simply ordinary. I was just me, good old sweet, plain and simple Iris. Nothing more than the girl known as 'Rose's little sister' or the 'other Dewitt girl'. But rose with her beautiful green eyes and fiery red curls always stood out from all the other ladies in society. She was strong, independent and adventurous, but me, no one ever sees the girl who hides behind her books always alone in the corner with her cold and piercing blue eyes.

Even when in parties and gatherings rose always stood out. Men would always ask her to dance, always entranced by her mysterious beauty. While i only danced with my cousins or my father when he was still alive. But still, i never hated rose for it. I never felt jealous. I was her sister, and i was happy as long as she was happy. Only once did i wish to be more beautiful then rose was. And that was the day my mother declared that she would marry cal a week after we arrive in philadelphia.

My thoughts lingered back on cal. He always treated me kindly. He was sweet and intriguing. He was also the first gentleman aside from my father or cousins to ever ask me to dance. The first time he ever asked me to dance was the night before my seventeenth birthday about two months ago. We were at a party being held by the Darcy's and as usual i was sat in a dark corner wearing my plain pale pink dress looking every bit out of place from the crowd of vibrantly dressed young ladies. Rose was clad in a sultry deep red gown that made her look even more stunning. And out of no where cal stood in front of me looking as handsome as ever.

"Why aren't you dancing with anybody like all the other ladies?" He asked a bit worried. I blushed slightly, feeling a bit embarrassed to tell him that no one had asked me to dance. As if sensing my thoughts he smirked and the look on his dark brown eyes made my heart flutter.

"Well, may i have the honour of being your first dance miss Dewitt?" He had smiled at me so tenderly that my heart almost melted. And he whisked me away into the crowd of dancers.

My thoughts reeled back into reality as i heard foot steps coming towards me. It was him. It was always him. Always the one to find me whenever i would try to disappear from the world. He stood beside me leaning against the ships railing. He didn't say anything, just stood there, keeping me company. I didn't dare look at him. If i do my heart will surely give out and so will the tears.

"You're always like this" he said, more like a statement. I still didn't look at him.

"What do you mean?" I said as a bitter smile crossed my lips.

"I don't really know." He said. That devious smirk appearing. I smiled again, but this time it was not a bitter smile but one of sorrow and pain.

"Why aren't you with rose? Shouldn't you be dancing with her, cal?" I said hoping to hear that he was here for me and that he loved me instead of my beautiful sister. I knew that it was hopeless for the words never came.

"She and your mother went back to their rooms an hour ago Iris. You've been gone for quite a long time. Your mother was beginning to worry so i came to look for you" he said looking a bit worried. "I see." Was my only reply.

"Are you sure you're alright my dear, you seem to be up in the clouds this evening?" He said as he touched my cheek. The gesture sent dull surges of electricity in my veins. But i know that his touches towards me were not ones of passion and love but instead, brotherly care. And it pained me so much that tears almost escaped from my eyes.

"My god! Iris, you're freezing! Lets get you back inside" he said but i shook my head.

"No, i'm fine here. You can go on ahead of me." I said as i smiled shakily.

He looked so puzzled but he just waved it off and took off his black tail coat and wrapped it around my bare shoulders. He tucked a stray lock of red hair behind my ear and smiled at me while shaking his head.

"You're hair has grown quite a lot since we first met. You were merely a child at sixteen when i first saw you. And now look at you all grown up into such a lovely young woman" he laughed a bit and the sound made me giggle. Though the smile on my face didn't quite reach my eyes. 'Lovely' he said. I was always just 'lovely' but never beautiful.

"I'm tired cal. I'd like to retire to my room as well if you don't mind" i said and he took my hand and escorted me back to my room. He took my hand once more and kissed it before saying good night.

"Sleep well my dear, i'll see you tomorrow" he said and wandered off.

That night i didn't sleep at all. The pain in my heart was too much to bear and only left my pillows soaked and wet with tears that never ceased to fall from my tired eyes.


	2. Ch 2 lovely, but never beautiful

Chapter 2. Lovely, but never beautiful.

"You're eating too much sweets my dear, do try to control yourself. If not the laces on your corset might start popping out" my mother quipped as she sipped on her morning tea. My half eaten chocolate pudding calling out to me to take just one more bite.

"Oh mother you're being absurd! Let her eat as much sweets as she wants" rose said defensively as she placed a cake in front of me along with some cream puffs. Rose always did this to me. She liked spoiling me. When ever we were together she would always find ways to spoil me rotten like a baby. At times i am both thankful and at the same time unnerved by the thought. I am thankful because i love my sister with all my heart and i welcome her affections and sisterly prodding. But i am also unnerved because it makes me feel weak and needs protecting, like i'll always be nothing more then her little sister.

After rose debated with my mother about my eating habits we sat in silence drinking our morning tea. Just then, cal walked into the room and came to greet us a good morning. He went to sit beside rose and kissed her hand. My heart clenched. He then turned to me.

"And good morning to you as well Iris. You're looking lovely in lavender today" he said and i couldn't help the blush that crept up my cheeks.

"Thank you" i said in a half whisper looking at my freshly made tea.

Everything passed by in a blur as mother and cal talked about business while rose stared idly out the window seeming a bit lost in thought. I held my tea in my gloved hand.

"Yes, i think we should move the wedding to the day after we arrive" i heard my mother say and the steaming hot cup of tea slipped from my hands spilling the contents on the table and my gloved hands. The searing liquid burnt my skin and the pain made me flinch. "Ahh! Its hot" i said a bit tearfully as i stared at the now stained satin gloves that covered my injured hand. I heard the shuffling of chairs and the shifting of dresses as rose and mother came towards me to help me but then, a pair of large hands covered mine and removed the soaked fabric of my gloves.

"Hurry now, take your gloves off or they'll burn you even more." Cal said as he slid off the fabric from my hand.

"Someone get some ice!" Rose said as waiter with a silver tray soon came shuffling in with an ice bag. Rose pressed the cool packet into my red hand.

"What happened?" She asked me a bit worried.

"Sorry, my fingers slipped. You know how clumsy i can be at times" i faked a smile and looked at the ruined satin gloves on the table.

"And those were my favourite pair" i said a bit sadly.

"Well try to be more careful next time dear" mother said relieved that it was only a small injury.

That afternoon i stayed mostly by the deck. Reading a book. I always felt at ease in the comforts of a good book. Many ladies of society found books to be boring but i think other wise. Books are magnificent things that always filled your mind with wonder and adventure. I love my books, specially the one i now hold in my hands. For in this book lies a tale of star crossed lovers that even death cannot make part. I sighed.

* * *

That evening i sat in my room wearing my champaign coloured evening gown. Helga was helping me get ready for dinner. She was braiding my hair into intricate knots and curls that she pinned with a golden butterfly comb. I looked at my self in the mirror and stared at a plain looking young woman. Her hair was fiery red and was done in a complicated style but it felt as if the colour didn't belong to her. It suited rose more. Piercing glacier blue eyes stared back at me with sorrow in them. Soon the man i love will be married to my sister and i will have to live with the sorrow of being with another man. But perhaps it will do me good. To meet someone whom will be able to love me back.

"My lady, a package has arrived for you" Helga said as she brought me a rectangular box adorned with lavish wrappings and bows. I lifted the lid slowly and gasped at the contents.

"It's beautiful" i said breathlessly as i inspected the fabric in my hands. It was a pair of beautiful white satin gloves with delicate laced hems. I looked into the box once more and found a small card attached to a purple iris. I scanned the note, mouthing each word as i read them.

* * *

~ Dear Iris

A simple gift for a very simple yet lovely young lady.

May you always remain as lovely as you are now , my dear Iris.

Yours truly ~ Cal...

* * *

My hand shook wildly as i read his name over and over and over again. I grasped the note to my chest. My heart beating loudly. I read the words '_simple_' and '_lovely_' but i felt no disdain or bitterness for them. The words felt so warm and loving that i could barely breathe. I put the note in a drawer and the iris into a book. After that i put on the gloves. They reached just above my elbow.

* * *

At dinner Rose looked a bit unwell, she was so spaced out. She even blew a puff of smoke in my face making me cough loudly.

"Rose do you mind?" I said in a whisper. She looked at me apologetically.

Cal was sitting opposite of me. He stared at me for a moment. He looked as if he wanted to say something but he never did.

Everything passed by in a cloud of white smoke and soon enough the ladies and men started going off into their little circles. Men were talking politics while some of the women were chatting. I stood beside rose and my mother as other ladies talked with them. I didn't bother to participate in the gossip, only hearing fractions of what they've said. A girl just about my age came towards me. She was one of the Howard's. Her first name was Elizabeth and i knew her for we went to the same girls academy during our younger years. She was always very nice and cheerful.

"Hello Iris, you're looking very pretty this evening" she said happily. Her grey eyes twinkling.

"Oh hello Ellie, why aren't you dancing with your fiancé, Rudolf?" I greeted. She was the only friend i ever had except my sister.

"Well, he's a bit busy at the moment so i thought i'd talk to you for a bit" she smiled and linked her arms with mine. A cheeky grin plastered to her freckled face.

"Iris... Is there something going on that you're not telling your only friend?" I looked at her with confusion written over my face.

"Um, no. I don't suppose so, why?" She looked at me a with glee.

"Well, you see..." She said and pulled me away from the other ladies so the they wouldn't hear. "I was buying a dress earlier this afternoon in the ships ladies store and i saw Mister Hockley. But the odd thing was that he was not with rose. So i came to greet him and asked what he was looking for. He said he was looking for a pair of ladies gloves" i arched a brow and looked at her.

"So? What's so odd about it?" I asked. She looked at me and pouted.

"Well, the gloves that he bought looks exactly like the one you're wearing now!" I blushed and she smiled widely.

"Aha! You're blushing. So it must be you, the one he bought the gloves for" she said and nodded at herself proudly.

"Yes, well its just a pair of gloves, it doesn't mean anything at all" i said defensively.

"Well, i never said it did" she smile triumphantly and i glared at her.

"Ellie its not what you think, cal and i are-" i felt an arm wrap around my waist and gasped when i heard a very familiar voice speak from behind me.

"What _are_ we, my dear?" Cal said as a smirk graced his lips. My eyes widened as he pulled me closer towards him.

"U-uh n-nothing, Ellie here was just making a joke about you and i, isn't that right Ellie?" I looked at her with pleading eyes.

"_Right_" she said sarcastically and i glared daggers at my friend.

"Well, if that is so then you wouldn't mind if i borrow her from you for a moment, Elizabeth?" He said already pulling me to another direction his arm still firmly around my waist. He pulled me to the dance floor and pressed me closer towards him as he lead the waltz.

"You look absolutely lovely, my dear" he always says that to me.

"What are you doing cal? You should be with rose" i said as a sigh escaped my lips. He stared at me for a moment, he had a look on his face that i can't quite decipher.

"Are you saying you do not want my company, Iris" he said my name with such intensity that made my knees wobble.

"No, of course not." I said and turned away from him averting my gaze.

"Why are you avoiding eye contact my dear." I stared at the floor as he pulled me closer. I cant bare to look him in the eyes, cause if i do. He might see right through me. But still i lifted my chin and stared at his brown eyes feeling suddenly exposed as if I'm not wearing any clothes.

Content that i finally looked at him, cal lead me out of the grand hall and into the ships quiet corridors.

"Where are we going, cal?" I asked as kept pulling me along, he stopped in front of his suites door and inserted his key. He pulled me inside and went to close the door.

"Well, now that we're alone we can finally talk" he said as he walked towards me.

"What's wrong cal? You seem a bit... Troubled" i said. He was now standing in front of me awfully close. He sighed and i can feel his warm breath on my cheek and my heart just wont stop pounding.

"They suit you" he said huskily. I stared at him confused.

"The gloves i mean, you look absolutely Beautiful, Iris. You always do. He said and my breath hitched in my throat. My mind was having trouble processing the words. Did he just say i'm '_Beautiful_' i must've heard wrong.

I smiled at him bitterly "i am_ 'lovely'_ cal. But not beautiful. The word would do more justice if it was rose you said it to" i turned away from him and walked towards the leather couch and sat on the arm rest. I smiled a bit sadly, but it was for the best if i didn't hope for something so impossible. "But still, thank you for the gloves and the compliment" i cocked my head to the side to look at him but he was already in front of me, his tall frame towering over mine.

"Do not speak so lowly of yourself! You are beautiful, Iris. Why can't you see that?!" He said breathlessly. I was now standing and he shook my shoulders as if to wake me up.

"No, i'm not! If i were beautiful i wouldn't be here right now, i would be in rose's position! I wouldn't be hurting and lonely because my sister would be marrying the man i love in a matter of weeks! I wouldn't be forced to look away when ever you'd hold her so passionately or when you'd look at her as if she meant the world to you!" I yelled the tears that i fought to conceal all this time finally falling free from my eyes. "If i truly was beautiful, you would've chosen me instead of her." I wept and cal stood there frozen. He just stared at me. I felt the bitterness of rejection the tears never stopped from falling.

"Im sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you_ Mr. Hockley_, but suddenly i feel so tired. I should retire to my own room now" as i turned to leave, cal grabbed my wrist, i felt my hand tighten on the door handle.

"Cal, i'm tired. Please let go" i choked out.

"No! Not after everything you said" he said breathily, his grip tightened on my wrist when i tried to pull away. He pulled on my arm briskly and within a moment he had pulled me against him. His arm wrapped around my waist.

"Cal, let go" i pleaded. "_Please_" i whispered as a few more tears fell from my eyes.

His eyes were so intense that i couldn't look away. "No..." He whispered and before i could open my mouth to speak he was already kissing me. At first he was gentle and slow until he started nipping and licking my bottom lip. I gasped in pleasure. He immediately took the chance and plunged his tongue in my mouth. My knees almost gave out and he backed me up against the door. I was pressed against his hard chest and the cold door as he shamelessly plundered my mouth with his eager tongue. He sucked on my tongue and a moan escaped my lips. I wrapped my arms around neck and my fingers found their was to his hair tangling in the soft dark strands of chocolate brown. I pulled him closer to me and his hands quickly found its way to my hips and pulled me closer, our bodies now grinding erotically. I have never felt so desired in my entire life but i was inexperienced when it comes ti this sort of thing and frankly my mind was starting to go numb. I never imagined my first kiss would be like this. I always thought that it would be sweet and innocent. But the way his mouth claimed mine greedily and the way his hips ground shamelessly against mine was far from innocent.

Finally, the need for air became to much and he reluctantly pulled away from me. Both of us panting heavily. My lips felt bruised and hot. But still he did not move away from me, our bodies still pressed together as we breathed heavily. He looked at me with hungry eyes as he drank in the sight of my disheveled appearance.

"I _never_ said i didn't choose you" he whispered, and that night when i went back to my rooms sleep was still far from my grasp as my thoughts lingered back to the kiss. And how he had stared at me so possessively. The untamed emotions that flared in his dark eyes.

* * *

The next morning when i dressed i found a set of purple marks on the skin of my hips where he had grabbed me so greedily and possessively. But the pain was strangely a good one.


	3. Ch 3 A sunken heart

Ch. 3 a sunken heart

"Cal... Stop. We shouldn't" i said breathily as cal pressed me harder against him, my back flat against the wall of my closet. He didn't stop and still kept on kissing my lips quickly silencing my protests. His hands gripped my hips as he ground himself against me.

Finally the need for air became to much and he was forced to separate from me. He stared into my eyes as he touched my ravished lips with his thump.

"You're absolutely beautiful, my dear" he whispered to me. And i couldn't help feeling guilty as i looked into his deep brown eyes. It should be rose in my position right now and yet it is me who is kissing my sister's fiancé so passionately. I felt my stomach lurch as a sudden wave of sorrow and guilt washed over me.

"Cal... I don't think we should be doing this. We are betraying my mother and sister and i cannot bear the thought!" I fought the tears and hung my head low. I had allowed myself enough rope to hung myself on and now look where it got me. I am torn between the man that i love and my family.

"Do you want me to leave you alone and go back to the way things were?" He asked and my heart almost stopped at the thought of loosing him. I lost all capability to speak and just stared at my feet.

"Because if you do, i'm afraid that is one request i cannot comply to, Iris. Not after all the things We've been through. Not after all the sleepless nights i gone through with nothing but you on my mind!" His words left me stunned. "I simply cannot let you go" he said huskily as he wrapped me in his arms.

"But what about rose? I thought you loved her, what will happen once we arrive in America?" I half whispered as he held me in his arms. He kissed my hair and stroked my back in circling patterns.

"I thought so as well, but then i realised that all this time it was you i've been chasing all along. I will fix everything, don't worry. It will all be fine" i nodded and soon he let go of me before leaving the closet. He fixed his dishevelled hair and clothes and kissed me one last time before exiting my room with out anyone noticing him. Somewhere in my heart i still feel insecure whether he truly did love me but a larger part of me believed that he did.

* * *

That evening i dressed more fashionably than i usually did and also donned my lips with a little bit of red. I also wore a deep blue dress that had small sapphires encrusted on the tight bodice and the gloves that cal gave me. For once in my life i was excited to go to a dinner party. And for once i didn't feel as if my life was nothing but a parade of endless parties and meaningless gossip. For once i felt alive and happy. The smile on my ruby lips made it clear as i walked down the long staircase that lead to the dinning hall.

Everyone was clad in beautiful fabrics and jewels as they sashayed on the marbled floor. Music flooded my ears and a soft but withered hand pulled me aside.

"Mother! You're looking well this evening" i smiled sweetly and she patted my hand.

"And you're looking lovelier than ever my child" she smiled but her eyes were worried.

"Mother, is something the matter? You look troubled" she sighed and looked at cal who was talking with some men.

"I cant seem to find rose anywhere and i'm afraid Mr. Hockley might soon loose his interest if she keeps acting like a child!" I frowned but quickly erased the look before my mother could notice.

"I'm sure everything is fine, mother. Do not worry yourself too much, it will do your health very little good" i smiled sweetly again at her and notice a police crew whispering to cal and his expression immediately turned into one of anger. He followed the officer briskly, his eyes hard and furious. I grabbed his arm when he passed by me.

"Cal, whats going on? What happened?" I asked worried and the look on his face was absolutely petrifying.

"Its rose, a third class man tried to take advantage of her" and without another word i followed him out onto the ships stern where i saw rose and a young man seemingly only a few years older than me being handcuffed by an officer. Cal immediately ran to rose then he made sure that she was alright. I stood there for a moment before coming closer to where rose sat.

"Are you alright? Were you hurt?" I asked her softly and she shook her head.

"No, i'm fine. It was an accident. He saved me" rose said but cal didn't pay attention before yelling at the young man.

"Cal! It was an accident! He saved my life, i almost fell off the ship but then he helped me!" Cal nodded and looked at the officer.

"Unbound him officer" cal said hesitantly.

The officer took off the chains and smiled at cal "well, the boy is a hero then" rose and i nodded and cal took out a twenty dollar bill and handed it to the boy.

"A reward for saving my fiancé's life." The words stung me like a bee. Though i know i shouldn't be hurt i still felt the tears that threatened to fall. As i lifted my head and caught a glimpse of how cal looked at rose so lovingly i almost heard the cracking and tinkling of glass as my heart once again broke. But i swallowed all that like so many times i did before and smiled.

"Surely a twenty dollar bill will not be enough to show how thankful you are to this man for saving the life of the woman you love, cal" all heads turned towards me as i smiled at them all, the boy who had rescued my sister looked back and forth towards me and then cal. My stomach churned and rose looked at the boy.

"Of course not, then i invite you to dine with us tomorrow evening, mr...?" Cal said looking at the man with disdain.

"Dawson, its jack Dawson, and i'd be honoured to" the boy said and he smiled at rose.

* * *

Later that evening after helping my mother and rose settle into their rooms i quietly snuck out and went to wander the empty corridors of the ship. Thoughts raced through my head like a stampede of horses, leaving me frozen in the dust. I felt absolutely horrible.

Suddenly a hand clamped down on my mouth silencing my screams as my attacker dragged me into an empty room.

"Don't worry its just me" a familiar voice spoke and i knew immediately that it was cal. He released me and i quickly turned to face him. He was mad. I can tell from the hardness of his dark eyes.

"Why did you take me here?" I asked and suddenly my chest felt a thousand times heavier than it did before.

"Why did you make me invite him?" He asked, his voice low and deep.

"We needed to thank him properly, after all he did save my sister and your _fiancé_" i knew it was wrong of me to blame him for my jealousy but i cant help it, the pain was too much for me to bear and i hated myself for caving in.

"Stop it iris! I merely did it all for show... We both know that. Truly i was worried for your sister but that meant nothing! How can you doubt that?!" He said almost too sadly and i felt my heart clench.

"Because you still love _her_..." My voice broke as the words left my lips. I have never felt so heart broken in my entire life as i too saw the realisation in his eyes. The tears fell as i quickly turned away and ran from him. My sobs escaping my lips like a mocking echo that filled my ears. I knew it. I knew it all along and yet i was foolish enough to let myself fall. I felt as if i was drowning.

I ran and ran aimlessly until finally collapsing into a heap of tears and loose red hair.

"Hey! Are you alright?! What happened?!" A males voice asked and as i looked up i was met with a pair of gentle blue green eyes. It was him. That boy from before. What was his name again? Oh, yes... Jack... Jack Dawson.

"Its _you_... Jack" i said tears still falling from my eyes. He smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, and its you again also..." He said charmingly.

"Im Iris, rose's younger sister." I smiled at him suddenly feeling a bit relieved to see him. He shook my hand and helped me up from the floor.

"Are you okay, you seem to be a bit emotionally unstable" he said slowly, and i smiled at him sadly.

"Well, wouldn't you be as well if the man you love was to be married to your sister in a matter of days?" and then i smiled when his only reaction was a shocked and confused "oh!"


	4. Ch 4 jealousy and confusions

Ch. 4 jelousy and confusions

"Wow! Jack... These are amazing" i said with a grin on my face as i flipped through pages and pages of meticulously done sketches. I had been sitting on the deck for hours now with him since he found me earlier this evening. Cal didn't even come to find me after our little quarrel and my heart would automatically sigh with grief as the thought crossed my mind.

"Uh, thanks. I don't know if you're just saying that to be nice or because i saved your sisters life" he joked as if sensing my sudden distress. He grinned boyishly. I laughed a bit too loudly, even snorted i admit but he told me that it was fine. He told me that snorting wasn't unattractive, just a bit goofy. He's the second person to ever tell me he liked my laugh. The first was the memory suddenly came rushing in.

* * *

It was another boring day at the Winchester manor. We were having lunch and all the ladies were dressed in pretty summer dresses while the men wore their riding pants and boots. We were watching the polo match that Lord Winchester himself organised though he wasn't all that good at it. Rose was absent on that particular event, feigning.. I mean claiming that she was feeling unwell and has a cold. If i had known it was this boring i would have feigned sickness too. The women were just gossiping while the men gloated and boasted about their thorough bred steeds and fancy riding boots. Men and their egos. I stood near a dark corner under the shade of a blossoming willow tree and held my book up to my nose. They were too noisy and reading became an impossible feat.

"Still up in the clouds, i see" a familiar male voice queered from behind the tree and i almost jumped, dropping my book on the grassy lawn.

"Cal, you really should stop surprising me, i swear you will be the death of me!" I hissed almost too harshly.

"Seriously my dear, you are too lovely to ever fall at my feet like all the other ladies" i frowned at him and he just smiled. The man can really get on my nerves at times!

"Are you saying i shouldn't fall for you?" I asked a bit offended by his words.

But instead of trying to appease me he just took my hand and slowly brought it to his lips. "I never said i don't welcome the thought" and then that sly smirk of his appeared again and i mentally cursed myself when my heart skipped a beat.

I huffed and stared at the boring polo match.

"Why aren't you playing cal?" I asked not turning to see his reaction.

"Well, if i did then the opposing team might not stand a chance" he said and i could almost see the grin plastered on his handsome face. But sad as it is to admit but he really is great at polo, always graceful but never did he miss a shot! Not as far as i know of.

"Oh please, that ego of yours really is getting big, no wonder your helmet looks a bit too snug!" I retorted and he smirked, amused with our little game of wits.

"Ah... So you've been staring at me the whole time!" He said and suddenly a rush of hot blood flooded to my cheeks and i stared daggers at him. But it was true, every time he played a round of polo i would simply peek over my book pretending to read.

"I-i was not! I would never fall for a man as self centred as you!" I almost screamed at him, i had to keep my temper under wraps or else my mother will kill me.

"I never said anything about you falling for me, it was you who brought that up." He countered my words with a comment that made my ears burn and my eyes water. I was such an idiot letting that slip from my tongue! I bit my bottom lip and gave him the cold shoulder. I really hated it when he would win our little games. And as if sensing my foul mood he casually slid an arm around my waist and pulled me into his side.

"Come now iris, don't be so sour, else you'll start looking like lord Winchester while farting on his poor horse" he whispered and immediately fits of laughter escaped my lips and i looked at cal for a moment.

"You're joking! He doesn't really fart while riding his horse does he?" I ask a fit of laughter still had me shaking in his arms.

"See for yourself" we both stared at the chubby, white haired lord as he scrunched up his nose and grunted a bit while trying to aim for the goal. Poor horse. I started to laugh even more, tears escaped my eyes and i was wobbling all together. And then i suddenly snorted audibly and i immediately stopped laughing. feeling embarrassed and red as a tomato. I turned to cal and covered my hot face with my bare, ungloved hands.

"Oh god! I'm so sorry i didn't mean to do that, you must think me improper now" i said still trying to hide my embarrassment with my hands but failing utterly. But then he took my hands from my face and smiled at me a bit too sweetly, that it made my heart skip a thousand beats.

"No, not at all. To tell you the truth i rather like your laugh. Its the first real laugh i've heard in a very long time. And also i like it because it's very... Hmn... How should i put it? Its very you" i smiled at him genuinely and he kissed my forehead for the first time but smiled at me naughtily as if saying not to tell anyone, and then he left to play with all the other gentlemen. The whole time i watched with great vigour as he gracefully rode his black steed, like a dark prince. He even smiled at me when he scored the winning goal.

* * *

I was reeled back into reality when jack coughed loudly as if to get my attention. I gazed at the sketches again.

"Of course i mean it jack. I'm very hard to impress and when i compliment someone, i do it not to please them but because they deserve it." I smiled and he nodded.

"Jack..?" I said closing his sketchbook.

"Yeah?" He cocked his head to the side to look at me.

"You will come tomorrow, right? You will, wont you?" I asked pleadingly.

He hesitated but then nodded. "Yes, of course" he said.

"Promise?" I asked and he smiled boyishly at me once again.

"I promise"

* * *

The next morning rose was present at the breakfast table. She wore a pale yellow dress that made her as vibrant as the sun. She was very grouchy today and didn't feel like talking. So i sat there and ignored her little tantrum. I was happily eating a slice of chocolate cake when cal suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

"Eating too much sweets will make you fat" he said from behind me and he rand his slender finger over my bare shoulder squeezing my pale skin until the skin became rosy pink.

"I am not getting fat!" I squirmed away from him and he dropped his hands on his sides and went to rose's side of the table. My mother, ruth, just ignored us and kept on talking gossip with molly.

"Oh cal, stop terrorising my sister while shes eating! It rude!" Rose huffed and cal just shrugged it off and kissed her hand before sitting beside her. The sight made my stomach churn, and suddenly the food no longer looked appealing to me. I had lost my appetite. I abruptly stood from my seat. Every one stopped whatever it was they were doing and stared at me.

"What do you think you're doing, child! Sit down and don't make a scene" mother whispered harshly but i ignored her and turned away from them. I could feel cal's gaze burning a hole at the back of my head and i left without saying anything.

Moments later i was walking alone on the deck when i heard foot steps behind me. I turned around and i was met with a pair of deep brown eyes. Cal braced his arms on the ships railing on my sides and trapped me with his heated gaze. His lips were pressed in a fine line as he stared into my face. I closed my eyes tightly trying to avoid his eyes.

"Kiss me" he said huskily. Suddenly my eyelids flew open as the words finally sunk in. I stared at him incredulously.

"W-what?" I half whispered.

He straightened and took a step closer, my hands flat against his chest was the only thing separating us. I could feel the cold metal railing pressed against my exposed back. I was wearing a cream coloured chiffon dress with an off shoulder cut and bares a little of my back. My vibrant red hair was loose and billowed freely in the wind.

"I said, kiss me" he whispered huskily on my ear. A shiver sent electricity to travel down my spine.

I pressed my hands harder against his chest to give us more space but he would not allow it.

"Are you crazy, someone might see us, and i'm still crossed with you Caledon Hockley! and don't think that i won-" i gasped when suddenly his lips collided with mine in a fierce kiss. He tasted like dark coffee and spicy mint. And it was intoxicating. He always kissed me like this, as if the need for contact was too much, that if we didn't touch each other the madness will swallow us whole.

I instantly fell into rhythm as he kept on nipping at my bottom lip but i refused to grant him entrance. Seemingly frustrated, he pulled away instantly and took me by the hand and pulled me away from the deck and into the hall way that lead to his quarters. I instantly pulled away when he tried to kiss me again once inside his room. I will not give in, not after all the pain i went through. I turned away from him and faced the wall.

"Why are you avoiding me?!" He hissed as he tried to make me face him but i wouldn't budge.

"Because! You are being a bastard and a jerk!" I yelled at him.

"So, i'm the bastard now?! What about you?!" He accused me as if i had done something wrong.

"Me?! What did i do?! It was you who played me!" I yelled back.

"Oh don't act so innocent! I saw you last night with 'him' and you were laughing and smiling at him!" I was so confused who was he talking about?!

"Who are you talking about cal?! I-i don't understand why you're acting like this" he chuckled darkly with dry humour.

"Its him! Im talking about jack.. I saw you with him last night!" I sighed with frustration.

"That was nothing cal! It meant nothing! We were just talking" i said

"Well, to me it does! It means everything to me! 'You' mean everything to me. I don't know what i'd do if i lost you. I told you before, its you i love, not rose or anybody else! Why can't you see that? I'd give everything to you. I would deny you nothing, if you just let me show you that its you. always has been and it always will be."

His words left me frozen and speechless. I expected him to get mad at me and accuse me of treachery but as he spoke the words, his voice felt so scarred and sorrowful. This is the first time i ever saw cal like this.

"I need a drink" he sighed and he opened a glass bottle on the bar and poured a generous amount of brandy. He gulped it all in one swig of his glass. He had his back turned towards me and he wore a white waist coat with his pocket watch. And a silky purple tie. His hair fell over his eyes as it came off from its usual slicked back style. He drank another half glass full of brandy and i came towards him to tell him to stop drinking.

"Stop it cal, don't drink anymore" he looked at me with a sad expression. My heart clenched when i saw the tears escape his eyes. I came towards him and lifted my hands to wipe his tears away but he grabbed my wrist and kissed my palm lovingly. He then pulled me by the waist, and finally our lips met in a slow but but heated kiss. This kiss was unlike any other kiss we shared before. He pulled me closer. i ran my fingers through his hair and he moaned into my mouth as i pulled him down even more. I could taste the Alcohol in his mouth, the spicy sweet but bitter taste of the brandy mixing with his taste. He lifted up my skirts revealing my creamy thighs. He wrapped my leg around his waist pulling me closer to him. I latched my other leg around his waist and he carried me onto his bed. Our lips never parted while doing so. I could feel his length rub against my thighs. He groaned when i tightened my legs around him.

"I love you" i softly whispered into his ear. And i felt him stiffen when my lips brushed his ear lobe. I felt him shiver as he nipped at the hollow on my throat. I gripped his hair as his head dipped lower down until it reached my cleavage. He bit the tender skin of my sensitive flesh a moan escaping my lips. The sound seemed to have snapped him out when he suddenly stoped and covered me with his blankets. He turned away from me, running his fingers through his hair as he sighed deeply.

"Fix your appearance. It is... Very distracting" he pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut.

I felt a bit rejected by his words. "You don't want me?" I frowned at the thought and felt a sharp pain in my chest.

"No, of course i want you, so much that it literally aches. But i want to love you properly my dear. I promised you that id fix everything and i will, just have a little more patience" he said and smiled at me and kissed my lips sweetly.

I nodded at him. "Okay"

* * *

That evening a letter arrived at my door step.

"Milady, a letter has arrived for you" Helga announced politely and handed me the cream envelope sealed with red wax with cal's insignia. I waved Her off and slowly opened the letter. I scanned the elegant hand writing.

* * *

_Dear Iris..._

_Tonight i shall set things right, just like i have promised you._

_Just have a little more patience, my love._

_Meet me on the top deck at exactly eight o'clock._

_I love you_

_~ Cal..._

* * *

I sighed heavily as i folded the letter and put it in a drawer. I looked at the clock and saw that it was only five o'clock. I called Helga and asked her to ready my dress for tonights dinner. I felt butterflies sprout from my belly as my thoughts lingered back on cal and how he had kissed me so passionately. His words floated in my head like the cold sea breeze.

After getting dressed i sat in front of my vanity mirror. Helga brushed my long wavy crimson hair until the curls fell over my shoulder like red silk. She braided some part of my hair in a french braid on the side of my head and pinned it with my favourite butterfly hair pin. I looked at myself in the mirror again. I wore a white chiffon dress that had black lace on the bodice and on every ruffled hem of the heavy skirt. It was the same dress i wore the first time i ever met cal. The memory made me smile.

* * *

The hall was filled with people, each of them dressed in the finest silks and jewels. It was still early yet the ball was already in full swing. Laughter and chatter filled my ears. It was Rose's eighteenth birth day and mother organised the grandest ball she could manage. She said a special guest was coming so we had to be ready. I paid very little attention to mother as she chatted idly with all the other ladies. The atmosphere was absolutely suffocating and rose was no where to be found. I clutched my book in my gloved hands. I needed some air, and maybe a drink.

I made my way through throngs of luxuriously dressed lords and ladies and grabbed a flute of champaign from the nearest silver tray. My book still in hand. I walked further into the grand hall, but then a very drunken Lord Ashford accidentally pushed me aside making me loose my balance. My book fell on the floor and my clumsy fingers slipped on the champaign flute spilling the contents on someone's very expensive looking waist coat. Oh, god! The sound of shattering glass melded with the loud music.

"Oh god! Im so, so very sorry sir! I didn't mean to do that" i bowed deeply to the unknown man, my cheeks were burning with embarrassment.

"No, no. Please its fine. It was my fault too. I wasn't looking where i was going" the man said.

"Please let me help you clean that up. My mind will not be appeased if i left you like this" i said as i lifted my head. My clear azure eyes were met with a pair of beautiful chocolate brown eyes. I was stunned and tried to straiten my posture. He was absolutely handsome. He was tall too. I felt myself blush as he smiled at me with those gorgeous lips. White, straight teeth appeared as he laughed or more like chuckled a bit at my flushed face.

"Thank you, i hope its not too much trouble" he smiled at me and i couldn't stop staring at those lips. I quickly lead him out the grand ball room and took him to one of the guest rooms. I ordered one of the maids to bring me a clean towel and a bowl of cold water. The maids brought the items i asked for and i closed the door behind me. I took a deep breath and turned towards him. He had already taken off his black tailcoat. I took my gloves off and wet the cloth the maids brought in earlier with cold water.

"I really am sorry for the mess" i apologised quietly and he faced me with a charming smile that almost looked like a smirk. I came closer to him and dabbed the clothe over his soiled waistcoat. I wiped away any remnants of champaign from the fabric. The whole time i was doing so i could feel him staring at me with those intense dark eyes.

"There! Good as new" i smiled at my work and put the towel back in the bowl putting on my gloves as well.

"Thank you" the man said i looked at him over my shoulder and gave him a small smile. I then went back to the grand hall and found rose in the middle of a large crowd of ladies looking all the more pissed and annoyed at the aimless chatter. I sighed. I have to rescue her yet again from the group of 'pompous little wenches' as she would call them when ever we were alone. I quickly slid through the group and took Rose's arm.

"I'm sorry ladies, but mother wishes to speak with us so if you would please give me a moment to steel away my sister." I said sweetly and pulled rose away from the group of brightly dressed hags.

"Thank you, iris" she sighed with relief but i merely shrugged it off.

"So, who do you think the mystery guest is?" She looked at me a for a moment as if thinking but she came short handed.

"I don't know. Mother refuse to tell me. And i don't think asking her further would do us any good" she said a bit irritated. She didn't like surprises.

"Maybe its granny" i laughed a bit and she laughed with me. She looked absolutely stunning in her red velvet ball gown. Next to her i probably looked like a ten year old child. But i don't mind.

"Happy birthday rose." I said tenderly and she squeezed my hand. The identical rings on our fingers shone. Mine was white gold while hers was yellow gold. It had our fathers creast on it. It was a gift from him before he passed away.

"Girls! There you are! I was beginning to worry! And rose, do smile, dear. Its your birthday" mother came towards us. Her red hair was as vibrant as ever.

Mother sighed an exasperated sigh. "Never mind, come on i have someone who'd like to meet you rose" rose rolled her eyes as we all made our way through the throngs of people.

"Ah, Mr. Hockley. There you are." A tall man turned around to face us. My stomach churned in the most uncomfortable fashion as i stared back at the same dark brown eyes i had seen only a few moments ago. It was him! Oh god!

"Ah, Mrs. Dewitt, i had been wondering where you went" the man said charmingly.

"Do forgive my sudden disappearance, i just went to fetch my daughters." My mother said pointing to the two of us and suddenly our eyes met and my breath hitched in my throat.

"Yes, ah! And you must be the ever so lovely rose. Ive heard so many wonderful things about you" he said and i lowered my eyes to the ground. And yet again it was rose who stood out. I sighed. But then suddenly he took my hand and kissed it. My face blushed hotly as he took me by surprise.

Mother and rose both had a surprised look on their faces. W-what?!

"E-excuse me Mr. Hockley b-but..." He lifted his gaze at me and then smirked.

"Please call me cal" why on earth does he have to be so charming.

"Well then, cal, um, i'm sorry but i am not rose. " i said a bit embarrassed. His brows raised and looked at my mother in confusion.

"But, you are wearing lord Bukater's crest on your finger. Surely you must be rose. I saw the ring on you earlier this evening when you spilled champaign on me" he said and the heat on my face grew when my mother turned her gaze on me.

"You did what?!" My mother hissed. "Im sorry Caledon, she can be quite clumsy at times" she looked at me with a scolding stare and i lowered my head.

"No, its fine ruth. But where is rose?" He asked still looking at me. And then suddenly rose raised her hand and we all stared at her.

"I'm rose." She said and cal looked at me expectantly.

"Then, who might this lovely young lady be?" He smiled at me and i felt my mouth go dry.

"I-I'm Iris, rose's younger sister." And suddenly he took my hand once more and kissed it but not before saying "a pleasure to meet you"

After that i knew that those dark brown eyes would haunt me forever.

* * *

My thoughts reeled back into reality when Helga announced rose's arrival. And i stood up from my vanity mirror with a sigh and went to dinner.


	5. Ch 5 Meet me at eight

Chapter 5. Meet me at eight.

"The letter has been sent, sir" i nodded and waved off the bell boy that sent the letter to iris. I looked at myself in the mirror and straitened my suit. Tonight was the night. I will set things right. I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed.

"Are you sure about what you're about to do?" I turned around and saw Lovejoy standing by the door.

"More than anything." I said and went straight to the safe that i keep in my closet. He followed. I turned the lock and entered the code. Once opened i took out a black velvet box .

"How can you be so sure that the old woman would agree to this" Lovejoy asked, a glass of scotch in hand. I smirked at him.

"Who said i was giving her a choice" Lovejoy smiled then nodded. I walked out of the closet and gave the box to Lovejoy. "I always get what i want, Lovejoy. I wouldn't wager on something i know i wouldn't win." I said and left, i headed for the dinning hall.

"You can do this cal, do it for your happiness. Do it for 'her'" i sighed to myself.

* * *

I stood by the grand stair case and looked for ruth. Suddenly a woman spoke from behind me.

"Why, hello there Mr. Hockley." I turned around and smiled at the red haired woman.

"Ah, Ruth! Just who i was looking for." I said and then she nodded. "There is something i wish to speak to you about" i said solemnly and she looked at me with a serious expression.

"Is everything alright? Is this about rose?" She said a bit breathlessly.

"Yes. I want to call off the wedding" her eyes widened.

"What?! Why would you say that Caledon. Did she do something to make you think this way? Don't worry i will talk to rose" i shook my head.

"No, no. There is no need. But thats not all i wish to speak to you about. I know you already said no back then, but this time i am not asking for your permission. I am simply informing you. I want Iris." Her eyes widened and i could feel her distress. She shook her head.

"No, you cant do this. She is my youngest! And i promised her father that i would not wed her to a man she does not love" i chuckled at the old woman's worry.

"I already have. She will be mine and you will support her just like a mother. Or else you can say goodbye to your only way of saving your family name from bankruptcy." I said harshly. I truly felt guilty for having to say such harsh words to ruth but she left me no choice. She nodded.

"Alright. You have my permission" she said sadly. I smiled at her.

"Good, now that we have come to an understanding i don't want this to ever come out. I will be the one to inform your daughters of the change of plans" she shook her head in acknowledgement. I turned my head towards the grand stair case and my eyes widened and my throat suddenly felt so dry.

Iris flowed down the grand stair case in the very same dress she wore the first time we met. But suddenly i felt my blood run cold when i saw her latched onto jacks arm, rose on the other. My anger boiled deep inside me when i saw iris smile at him with those beautiful lips that i claim to be mine.

She widened her eyes when she saw me standing at the bottom steps. Her hair looked absolutely beautiful against her creamy pale skin. I wanted to run my fingers through her hair as i ravished her lips with my own. Her sapphire blue eyes shone underneath the chandelier crystals. Once they reached the bottom steps i came towards the trio.

"Good evening Rose, Iris... And Mr. Dawson" i said the last bit with disdain as i looked at the boy.

"My god! I barely recognised you Dawson. You could almost pass for a gentleman... _Almost_" I kissed rose's hand and immediately felt her stiffen from the touch. She hated me. That i knew, and i also know that she holds feelings for her little 'saviour' but i no longer care. She is no longer the woman of my affections but instead her sister. From the very start, it has always been Iris. Ever since the time she soiled my suit with champaign i always felt drawn to her. It was always her that smiled so genuinely towards me. Even though she knew of some of my schemes and my temper she would just smile at me. She was so pure and lovely that i just had to have her. I loved her from the very beginning. A memory from the past suddenly made its way to my mind, slowly clouding my vision.

* * *

I sat quietly in the study, the smoke of my lit cigaret rising in the air. Ruth paced the floor, her long skirts pooling around her.

"Caledon, i think it's best that you marry my eldest" she said. Her red hair reminded me of another red haired woman that ever so captured my heart and has become the subject of my fantasies and unholy dreams. I could still see those sharp blue eyes at the back of my head. I shook my head as to clear it of the fantasies.

"Really now, Don't i at least get to choose?" I said with a smirk. She shook her head disapprovingly. I frowned.

"No. Im afraid not. Not unless it is rose you would choose?" I shook my head and sighed. I had no intention of marrying rose. It is true that she is quite beautiful but she is nothing like Iris, with her pure and brilliant smile and those piercing blue eyes. Her sweet yet witty attitude and how she can laugh so freely in my company. A feat not many can do.

"What if i don't want to marry rose." I said as i brought my cigaret to my mouth and blew out some smoke. I crossed my legs.

"Well, who else could you want? Unless its..." She gave me a worried look and i nodded to her with a knowing look.

"I think you already know _who_ i want, Ruth" i said and crushed the cigaret on the crystal ashtray.

"No. No, i cannot force her into a marriage she doesn't want. I promised her father that i wouldn't" she said, worry and sympathy evident in her voice.

"Nor would i, i do not want to force her into it. But i do want to court her, ruth. Iris would have to make the decision herself. I want to give her a choice." I said and immediately my mind drifted to the beautiful sixteen year old.

"But she is a mere child. Only sixteen and i cannot give her this burden" i knew that what she said is true. I also know that this marriage has only one purpose. To save the Dewitt's from bankruptcy and becoming my fiancé would mean that she has to carry the burden of having to be forced into something she doesn't want.

"I know that ruth and i am willing to wait until she is eighteen." I said but she still said no.

"If you would not marry rose, then i would look for another suitor. Though i may not be able to find a more eligible man than yourself. But once you leave this room Mr. Hockley, please note that i will never let you speak with my youngest daughter ever again." She said as she steeled her resolve. I cannot bear the thought of it and it left me no option. I would have to marry rose in order to see Iris even just from afar.

* * *

"Cal, are you alright? You seem to be a bit out of sorts" Iris said as she unlatched herself from jack. Her eyes were filled with worry. She slipped her hand on my elbow and smiled at her beloved mother who looked at me with cautious eyes.

"Yes of course, _why_ wouldn't i be, my dear?" I answered and smiled at her lovingly. She was absolutely beautiful though she does not think herself to be. Does she not see how the men look at her like she is a piece of meat and them a hungry pack of wolves.

"I don't know, you just seem not yourself this evening" she said as we walked around the grand hall. Rose and jack walked together not far behind us while ruth decided to stray off with the other older ladies.

"Did you receive my letter?" I whispered to her so that the couple behind us wouldn't hear.

"Yes, i did. And might i add you have a wonderful handwriting, cal" she said not looking at me. She waved at Elizabeth who was dancing with Rudolf.

"Well, then i guess i shall see you after dinner." I nodded and she turned to me a bit surprised.

"Why? Aren't you staying for dinner?" She asked worry etched on her pale face. Her grip tightening a bit on my sleeve.

"I am actually staying but, judging from the crowd i would have no time to _see_ you, but remember to meet me by the deck at exactly eight. I will see you later" i said and kissed her hand before heading out to find Lovejoy.

Moments later i found Lovejoy flirting with one of the maids in a near by hall. Seriously, the man is always trying to bed a woman. I coughed loudly and the maid quickly bowed low and took her leave.

"I presume the diamond is safe?" I Asked and he nodded quietly. "Good. Meet me on the top deck after dinner at exactly 8:00 o'clock sharp. Oh and don't forget to bring the diamond." I turned around and went back up to the grand dinning hall. Every one was seated and they all listened to Dawson's stories avidly.

I sat beside rose opposite of Dawson. I stole a little glance of Iris from ruth's left.

"Tell us of the accommodations in the steerage Mr. Dawson, i hear they're quite good on this ship" ruth asked jack. I smirked as i saw rose expression.

"Oh, the best i've seen ma'am. Hardly any _rats_." The boy was a complete seller. Everyone laughed as if he was a part of the circle.

"Mr. Dawson is joining us from third class. He was of some assistance to my fiancé." Looked at Iris and noticed her sudden pause for a moment before continuing to unfold her napkin. It amused me at how the word 'Fiancé' would make her jealous. "This is foie gras. Its goose liver" i said to the boy as the waiters set our plates in front of us. Everyone started whispering about him.

A waiter came up towards him. "How do you like your caviar sir?"

"Just a soupçon of lemon for him please" i turned my head towards the voice and immediately i felt my anger boil. It was Iris. And why in the world should she be answering for this bohemian?'

"It improves the flavour with the champaign" she said timidly while looking at me. She knew. She knew that it was how i preferred my caviar yet she is suggesting it to this man? Suddenly the memory of her laughing in his company crept its way into my mind. Dawson stared at me with a wary impression. And i could feel rose staring at the boy with such worry.

"N-no thank you. No caviar for me, never did like it" i smirked at him and leaned back in my seat. The boy was a good actor. But i could still feel my blood boil.

As the night goes on jack continued on with his tales and ruth, well ruth just kept on bombarding him with her offending questions, not that i'm complaining. Though i didn't miss the little flirtations jack and rose threw at each other. It was actually rather amusing.

"Well join me for some brandy gentlemen?" Gracie said while rising from his chair. I looked at Dawson and then at rose for a moment. I smirked to myself.

"You coming Mr. Dawson? You wouldn't want to stay with the women would you? Oh and you too Mr. Hockley, are you joining us?" He asked jack and then me.

"No thank you, i should be going back now.." He said a bit sheepishly. Seriously, the boy is such a child. What did rose see in him, but more importantly what does Iris see in him, why is she so fond of him. I understand if she is grateful to him for saving rose but why the sudden fondness?

"I am sorry gentlemen but i have some _prior_ engagements later this evening and will not be joining your company, if you'll excuse me." I rose from my seat and kissed rose hand before leaving the grand hall.

I walked to the top deck, Lovejoy right behind me. I can see her lone silhouette from where she stood. Her skin looked like ivory and pearl beneath the moons grace. And her eyes glowed, shaming the stars that shone above her. I took the necklace from Lovejoy, leaving him with an empty box. I took a deep breath and ran my fingers through my hair and slowly made my way towards her. My beautiful Iris.


	6. Ch Hearts as deep as the ocean

Chapter 6. Hearts as deep as the ocean

I stood there for a moment. The wind was cold yet comforting. The deck was completely deserted. Only the sounds of the waves crashing against the ship keeps me company. Suddenly a pair of warm hands with long slender fingers held my shoulders almost making me jump in surprise. But then i saw his ring. On his smallest finger, it was a golden ring. It was cal. I can tell from the insignia carved on the golden band.

"Cal, its you" i sighed with relief. I felt his lips trail kisses from the base of my neck up to my ear. It made me shiver.

"Who else could it be? Unless you're expecting some one else." He said huskily. I could feel his warmth seeping through his chest as he pressed against my back. His hands sliding from my shoulders to my hands and finally wrapping both his arms around my waist. Cal is such a possessive person. My sister would always tell me that she feels strangled when ever she is with him. But i knew that this is his way of showing his affection. He was different. He may not always be rainbows and sunsets but still i love him for everything he is.

"Of course not. Though i did see rose and jack sneaking away earlier this evening. I just thought you'd like to know, after all she is your '_fiancé_'" i said as a sigh escaped my lips. I could feel him frowning.

"Shall we not have this conversation, Iris. It is such a wonderful night and i would very much like to enjoy you for we don't usually get much privacy together" he sighed. I smiled as a devious idea crossed my mind.

"Cal, what do you think of jack?" I asked and immediately his body stiffened.

"Why do you ask?" He said as his grip on me loosens a bit.

"No particular reason, just curiosity i suppose" i said sweetly and he breathed in slowly. He had taken the bait.

"What about you? What do '_you_' think of him?" He hissed and i felt a shiver run down my spine.

"Well, i do think he is quite a good listener and a wonderful artist" i said.

"Is that so..." He said a bit darkly and i turned around in his arms so that i can face him.

"Caledon Hockley, you cant possibly be jealous? _Are you_?" I asked with a small smile on my lips. He looked at me incredulously.

"Of course not! I- i do not waste my time with such petty jealousy, specially not to a bohemian such as jack Dawson" i frowned and turned away from him. My back was now again facing him.

"_But_, i never want to see you alone with that boy ever again! It makes my insides churn, i do not feel pleased with him around, specially if its you. God knows what kind of things he might try to pull if he gets the chance and i cant bare the thought of loosing you" i smiled to myself. So he really was jealous.

"Do i make myself clear, Iris?" He asked and i nodded. My skin was practically tingling everywhere. "Good" after that he proceeded to kiss my hair.

"Cal, look! A shooting star!" I said eagerly as a silver diamond like light flew across the star filled sky, leaving a trail of shimmering silver light. I smiled widely.

"My father used to say that whenever you saw one, it was a soul going to heaven" i smiled at the memory of my father lifting me up in the air as we went for a walk in the gardens while we watched the stars twinkle by.

"I like that, you better make a wish then" he whispered in my ear and i closed my eyes, wishing that time would just stop so that we can cherish this moment just a little longer, wishing that i could stay in his arms forever as we watched shooting stars fly above us. Suddenly something cold touched my neck. I opened my eyes and saw a beautiful large heart shaped diamond rest just below my collar bone. The chain was made out off perfectly cut white diamonds. I gasped in awe of its magnificent beauty.

"Cal, my god... Is it... A" i stuttered as he turned me slowly to face him.

"A diamond? Yes it is. 56 carats" he said with a smirk.

"It was once worn by louis the sixteenth, they call it _la coeur de la mer, _the-"

"The heart of the ocean" i cut him off. He ran a slender finger from my neck down to the dip of my upper breast. His eyes held an emotion that i cannot identify.

"Its absolutely beautiful cal" i said breathlessly.

"Yes, but its splendour can never compare to the beauty that i see in your eyes, my love" i blushed and yet again he has managed to single handedly melt my heart in a puddle of womanly goo.

"Thank you, but i cannot accept this, cal" i said. His brows forming a knot.

"Why not?" He asked.

"I'm sure that you brought this for rose, and not for me. It is only right that you give it to her. Though it pains me to say this, but i have been trying to get used to the thought of you marrying my sister." I looked up at the stars sadly, trying to refrain the tears from falling. "Because once this ship docks you and i will be forced apart, but still i am happy that even though we would leave all this in This magnificent vessel, i couldn't ask for anything more. Because at least now i know that you love me as much as i love you" i smiled as i willed the lump in my throat to go away.

"No, once this ship docks, you and i will stay the same! You will be my wife and i your husband, i would make love to you every night and you shall bear my children! We will be happy. So accept it, as a reminder that my love for you will last forever just like every diamond on that necklace." He said. My heart lost all reasons as to not explode from too much emotions. The tears now flowed from my eyes and he kissed them all away.

"But, its supposed to be rose who-"

"I bought it for the woman i love, i had only one person in mind when i bought it and thats _you_ iris, never forget that" he whispered and soon his lips came crashing down on mine, he kissed me fervently and i did my best to return the kisses with as much need. His tongue parted my lips and he explored every crevice of my mouth. He made sinful love to me with his lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he pushed me against the railing, our bodies fitting perfectly with each other.

Slowly the need for air became to much and i pulled away to catch my breath, he only allowed me a minute to breath until catching my lips between his own once again in a fierce kiss. He nipped and sucked and slowly i felt myself drown in his intoxicating taste and smell, he smelt of mint and english tea with a hint of tobacco.

Suddenly he pulled away from me breathing heavily, his lips were almost swollen just like mine and he looked at me with such want and need that i almost melted.

"Once all of this is over, we will have a grand wedding and i will claim you as mine. I would make sinful love to you. I would give you the world. There is nothing i would deny you." His voice made my head swim in a pool of buzzing warmth.

"I love you" he said in a hushed tone and i smiled at him.

"I love you too" i replied without missing a beat. He smiled at me his most reserved smile that only i get to see.

"Hockley, its time" a voice said from behind us and i craned my neck to see who it was. It was Spicer Lovejoy, cal's body guard. I smiled at him and he nodded at me.

"Alright, i'll be there in a moment" cal said and Lovejoy left.

"You're going already?" I asked with a sad expression. And he smiled apologetically at me.

"Afraid so love, but fret not i shall visit you later tonight in your rooms. I just have to deal with some business." He said and i nodded. After giving me another sweet kiss on the lips, cal left and i lingered on the deck.

Soon i heard footsteps behind me and i turned to see if it was cal but i was met with a pair of bleu green eyes that could only belong to...

"Jack! What are you doing here?" I asked and he smiled at me.

"Nothing _really_, i was just looking around, you know." I shook my head and looked at him seriously.

"Cut the crap jack, i saw you with rose earlier." He immediately froze and looked at me guiltily. "Worry not my friend, i wont tell my mother" i smirked at him and he breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thanks, iris. I know that people will think me stupid and crazy, i would too but i think, i'm falling for rose" he said with a hazy look in his eyes.

"I know, i knew that the moment i saw you and her on the back of the ship last night" he looked at me in surprise.

"So thats why you wanted me to come to dinner?" He asked with a little chuckle, i laughed too. I nodded and he and i stared off into the sea.

"Jack, i'm scared" i said timidly and he looked at me with a sympathetic look.

"Why's that?" He asked.

"Because i feel that once i leave this ship, i will be leaving everything with it. Every kiss, every soft whisper and every memory. For once in my life i felt like i'm truly living even if its only been a few days." I said while looking up at the vast sky that matches the sea so beautifully. Just like the diamond that hung from my neck.

"Well, like i said, we have to live life like everyday was our last. But don't worry about it, i'm sure everything will be just fine but if you do leave the memories here, always remember that you can just make new ones, maybe even better than before" i smiled at him. I said my thanks to him and left to go to my rooms. It was empty, no one was around. Not even Helga or Trudy. I unlaced my dress and changed into my sleeping garments. I took a look at myself in the mirror, the necklace still hanging on my neck. The diamond pendant matched the colours of my eyes almost perfectly. If not only a few shades darker. It truly was magnificent. I unhooked the chain and placed it inside a jewel box that i found on my dresser.

I sat on my bed thinking, what if it did turn out the way mother wanted it. What if cal changes his mind. No, no. I have faith in him, i trust him. Its _me_ i don't trust.


	7. Ch 7 Set us free

Chapter 7. Set us free.

"I found her with that boy, she was down below deck by the steerage" Spicer told me as we walked towards rose's rooms. I received news that she went below deck with that Dawson boy after dinner. I don't really mind, she can very well do as she wants, Its Ruth who will not like the idea of her eldest daughter hanging around steerage rats. Better keep the information to myself or else the old woman might start having a nose bleed. I turned the door knob to rose's room leaving Lovejoy in the hall.

She sat in front of her vanity mirror wearing her night gown, her hair fell around her shoulders like fiery rings. She really was beautiful. But her beauty no longer appeal to me. Come to think of it, it never did. People thought me to be a lucky man for having rose as my Fiancé but they never saw how it pained me to act as if though she is the only woman i love for every single day of my life. I had been fooling everyone, i've been fooling myself.

Rose lifted her gaze when she noticed me standing behind her by the doorway. The surprise in her eyes was epic.

"I know you've been melancholy, and i don't pretend not to know why" i said as i came closer towards her. She looked at me with a glare. If looks could kill...

"If you had known the reason for my depression, why do you continue to torture me with your presence?" She said with a hiss. She hates me to the bones and i don't blame her. I smiled at her.

"That is why i'm here, rose" i stared at her straight in the eyes. "Im setting you free" i said and she was dumbfounded as i came to kneel before her. I took her hands in mine and kissed them.

"You're letting me g-go?" She said a bit dazed.

"Im letting both of _us_ go, rose" she smiled at me and i smiled back. "Once this ship docks in New york you are free to do as you will."

"But why? What about my mother? What about my sister? What would happen to them if i abandon my responsibilities, we will loose everything, cal" she said in a panicked frenzy.

"Its alright rose, your mother already agreed. And as for your sister, she'll be happier than ever" i said and she nodded. "_Goodbye_, rose." I said one last time and kissed her forehead as a goodbye.

Suddenly a soft thud sounded behind us. I turned my head and saw Iris standing there. Her book on the floor while tears streamed down her eyes. My heart immediately clenched at the sight of her tears. She shook her head.

"Y-you lied to me" she said as a few sobs escaped her lips. I came towards her and saw that she was trembling.

"No, Iris. Listen to me, this is not what you think, love" i said trying to appease her.

She shook her head wildly. "No! Stop! I don't want to listen anymore." She was furious. She turned away from us, and soon she was out of sight as she ran away. I stood there frozen. Should i go after her? If i do, what will i say?

"Go after her, cal" i turned to rose who wore a soft smile. "Don't let her slip away from you, like you did back then" she had known? She knew that it was Iris all along? I nodded at her and went out the door.

I wont let you slip away from me...Iris


	8. Ch 8 Bruised hearts

**AN: Okay, so i know i've been really quiet and like, doesn't react to any of the wonderful reviews but i really am ****_super_**** greatful for the support, so i promise to do my best not to disappoint you guys. And without further a due please enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter 8. Bruised hearts

I couldn't sleep and cal still hadn't come to me, maybe he was with Gracie. The man always did talk like there was no tomorrow. I slid off my bed and threw on my silk robe and grabbed a book. I went to rose's rooms, maybe she's still awake. I walked slowly and quietly turned the door knob to her door. I was silent as to not wake her '_if_' she was asleep.

The book in my hands fell to the floor with a soft thud as my hands shook. Tears started to fall from my eyes and the sight of cal kneeling in front of rose kissing her forehead started to blur. Everything was slowly starting to cave in on me, it felt as if the ship was slowly getting smaller and the walls were compressing on me. Cal turned his head towards me, his dark eyes widening at the sight of me. Rose looked at me with a look of horror. My hands clamped down on my mouth to muffle my sobs and i shook with an intensity that can very much rock the whole Titanic.

"Y-you _lied_ to me" the question sounded more like an accusation as it fell from my lips along with the sobs. Cal stood and came towards me with a worried look. I took a step back. My heart ached so much that i can barely breath. Why? Why did this have to happen?! I thought he loved me?! And yet i see him here in my sisters room with such intimacy. He said it was all for show but there was no one around to see!

"No, iris. Listen to me, this is not what it looks like, love" he half whispered to me but i shook my head and covered my ears with my hands. I can barely see him through the tears that never ceased.

"No, i don't want to listen anymore!" I yelled and before i can break down even more i swiftly turned around and ran away. I was such a fool! Such a naive and stupid fool... I fell for such a stupid trap. I knew it was too good to last. The feeling of happiness always came with a price and mine was this. I ran to my room and closed the door with a loud slam. Once inside i slid to the floor, my knees finally giving out and my sobs now came as wails of pain, betrayal and sorrow. Im sure people could hear me but i was too hurt to care. _Screw_ what they thought!

Moments later a loud knock disturbed my moment of misery. "Go away!" I yelled at the person behind my door. Another set of loud banging.

"Iris, love. Open the door!" Cal yelled from outside. My heart clenched in pain at the sound of his voice.

"No! I said go away!" I yelled once more.

"Open this door now or _else_!" He banged on the door with such brute strength that the door shook. I wiped the tears from my eyes and stood.

"Or else _what_? What could you possibly do thats worse that the pain i feel now?!" I yelled and sat on the couch. I felt exhausted! Why did this have to happen?

"Open up iris! I am not leaving you!" He yelled and i could hear him kicking and banging the door with his fist.

"Hockley! Thats enough" i heard Lovejoy's voice call out from outside but cal didn't stop. I steeled my resolve and just sat there clutching my chest.

"I will not stop! Not until she opens this god damn door!" I can hear him yelling. It made my heart break but i won't give in. Not after what i saw. He banged on the door more forcefully now and i can hear Lovejoy struggling with him to keep him from doing any more damage. Cal had such a bad temper.

"Stop punching the door, or else you'll break your hand Hockley!" Spicer said loudly and i fought the tears. I hated it when ever cal was hurt or injured but still i did not open the door.

"Fine. But this is not the end, iris! I'll come back tomorrow" cal said and i listened to their retreating footsteps. I let out a breath i didn't know i was holding and rubbed my eyes. I needed to sleep but something tells me that it would be impossible to do so.

And i was right. I couldn't sleep at all for my pillows were soaking wet with tears that fell without my consent and yet i just couldn't help but cry. Thats all i ever do. I cry.

A memory made its way to my tired mind.

* * *

I hung my head low as i stood in front of Mrs. Evers' dark wooden desk. She was pacing the floor wildly, her heels making clicking sounds as they hit the marbled floor of her brightly lit office.

"Miss Dewitt- Bakater! I am so disappointed in _you_..." Mrs. Evers said strictly as she fixed me a look of disdain. "What you did today was utterly infuriating and shameful! You are putting shame in the school's honourable name!" The woman yelled. I flinched at the sound of her voice. It was like listening to nails scratching on chalk board. I clenched my fist as i took her words without any protests. A knock interrupted her ranting and Mrs. Evers turned her attention to her secretary who was standing beside me now as she looked at me and then to the blonde principal nervously.

"Mr. Hockley is here ma'am" the secretary said in a shaky tone and immediately my eyes widened in surprise. Hockley? Does she mean _Cal Hockley?!_

Mrs. Evers fixed her slightly disheveled hair and checked her teeth for a moment. Emily Evers is a very tall and skinny woman in her mid twenties, though she may have a pretty face she surely has an ugly reputation and an attitude to go with it. She is married to a man named George Evers, who gave her the position as principal of the school since he owns it, unfortunately for him, his wife happened to be a gold digging whore who liked ruining aristocratic marriages such as noble mens and ladies.

"Send him in, Judy" Mrs. Evers purred. Oh this ought to be _'fun'_

Suddenly a tall man wearing an expensive looking trench coat entered the room, his beautiful brown eyes fixed on me. it was cal. He smiled at me his most devious smile and it made my heart flutter a bit. Its only been a month since mother introduced him to me and rose and yet he has become such a big part of my life. Oh god he was beautiful!

Mrs. Evers coughed loudly and immediately we broke out of our little staring contest.

"Mr. Hockley, what a _wonderful_ surprise for you to come and visit our humble Academy" she purred and immediately i can feel my insides churning. She was flirting with him and it made my blood boil! I knew what kind of effect cal has on women, after all he's handsome, intelligent, witty, sharp and not to mention rich beyond imagination. But the last part didn't matter. Well at least not to me. But i've seen this before. Women always fell at his feet. They worshiped the very ground he walked on.

"Ah yes, well a letter was sent to me this afternoon concerning Iris, and i just came here to see if she was alright" he said with that dashing smile of his. I lowered my gaze to the floor as a small smile crept across my lips when i heard that he came all this way just to see me, my school was a good thirty minutes ride from where he lives, and yet here he is.

"Yes, yes. We can discus that matter _later_, for now why don't you take a seat Mr. Hockley. Perhaps some tea?" She smiled indulgently, Mrs. Evers' eyes never leaving him for one moment.

"No thank you, but what happened? What did she do?" Cal looked at me with a playful smile and i couldn't help the blush from running up my pale cheeks. Mrs. Evers frowned at me and then turned back to smiling flirtatiously at cal.

"Well, she punched a boy named Tommy West, son of John West, who happens to be one of the schools most generous... Um, _client_." Cal looked at me with wide eyes and suddenly a small chuckle escaped his lips. How can he be so amused?

"Mr. Hockley this is no laughing matter!" Emily said a bit shocked at his reaction. But suddenly cal shook his head and chuckled even more with dark humour.

"How much?" He suddenly asked finally sober. I and the principal looked at him a bit confused.

"E-excuse me?" She Asked him. He glanced at me over his shoulder then turned back to Mrs. Evers.

"I said_ how much_, how much did he give to the school this month?" He said with a serious tone. I looked at him with wide eyes as i finally got what he was implying to do.

"Cal, wait theres no need t-"

"1000 pounds" Mrs. Evers cut me off and i felt myself sigh with defeat.

"5000 pounds then we may leave" he stated and i gasped in surprise. Cal looked at me once more with a smirk.

"U-uh, you are being very generous Mr. Hockley, i'm so flattered" Emily said a bit breathlessly as she took the bundle of bills cal handed to her and without a second glance he strolled out of the office, but not before taking my hand in his and kissing it lightly.

We were now sitting on one of the benches near the school garden, i gripped my grey skirt that reached just below my knee. My stockings was the only thing keeping my legs from being completely bare. Cal had his legs crossed and one of his arms languidly resting behind my shoulders.

"Why did you do that?" I asked him and he suddenly looked at me with an amused look.

"I can sense that you're displeased, Mmm... What to do?" He said staring at me with a look of mirth. I Frowned at him.

"Yes of course i'm displeased. You practically threw your wealth at that woman's face! And why on earth did _'you' _come here anyway, why not rose or my own mother?!" I asked irritated. He just smiled at me.

"I merely wanted to ensure your safety, do not worry about the money, iris. To me it is worth very little. But _you_ on the other hand is worth so much more plus your mother and rose are on a ladies meeting at the moment and so i decided to come for you, my dear" i couldn't help but blush at what he said. Suddenly a strong gust of wind passed by whipping my hair wildly. He tucked a stray strand of red hair behind my ear. The look in his eyes made my heart skip a beat.

"So why did you do it?" He asked finally snapping out of his dazed look. I frowned at the memory.

"H-he tried to k-kiss me, and lift my skirt" i said a bit weakly and immediately i saw the rage in his eyes.

"What?! This boy is he your classmate?" I shook my head.

"No, he's my senior" i said.

"What does this boy look like?" He said and i swore i saw his jaw clench tightly.

"I- its hard to describe him, o-oh but look there he is right now!" I said and pointed to a tall but muscular boy with messy blonde hair. Suddenly cal was out of his seat and walking towards the boy. I stood up and tried to pull him back to the bench but he wouldn't let me.

"Stay there" he had said but i still followed close behind him. What on earth was he going to do?! Suddenly Cal punched him hard on the face. His nose bleeding furiously and stuck out in an odd angle. I gasped in Shock. Cal came towards me with his knuckles red and bruised as he led me to a car.

* * *

I jolted up from bed at the sound of the ships loud steam horns. It was already morning and my cheeks were tear stricken, i pondered on my dreams about a memory no less than a year ago. Suddenly a knock on my door.


	9. Ch 9 Notes and kisses

Chapter 9. Notes and kisses

A soft knock on my door. I padded my way through my rooms and opened the door. I'd be lying if i said i wasn't the least bit disappointed that it was not cal waiting at my doorstep, instead it was my mother. Worry and fear etched onto her face.

"Oh my, are you alright dear? We missed you at breakfast" she fussed as she touched my forehead and checked my temperature.

"I am fine mother! And breakfast? What time is it anyway?" I asked unable to put on a smile. My eyes felt sore and so did my heart. I was far to stricken to even smile or act sweet around people.

"Yes dearie, you've missed breakfast. Its almost time for lunch, iris, so you better get changed. Oh, honestly child! Already this time of day and still lounging around in your bed clothes" my mother started to nag. She is always like this, always telling us what to do and what not to do!

"Mother, i do not wish to see anyone at the moment. Please enjoy your day without me" i said as i sat on the couch near the empty fire place. My mother frowned.

"No! You will come with me for lunch and you will act like a proper lady! Do you understand?! Now get up and take a bath, i will have trudy and Helga assist you" she said authoritatively. She made it to a point that i don't argue, but i was not in the mood to follow orders or see cal for that matter.

"Do not tell me what to do mother! I am very much capable of deciding for myself! And what if i'm not a proper lady?!" I said almost too harshly and immediately i saw my mothers lip twitch with annoyance.

"Don't you dare raise your voice on me Iris! I am your mother! Now stop acting like a child and take your bath" she said dismissively and asked Trudy to draw my bath while Helga prepared my clothes.

After my bath my mother dismissed Helga and Trudy. She laced up my corset painfully, my lungs felt like it was being squeezed to death. After getting dressed my mother grabbed my shoulders a tad too harshly and made me sit in front of my vanity. She brushed my hair and pinned it with my gold butterfly comb. It was my favourite because it was a gift from not too long ago, i received it about two months ago on the night of my seventeenth birthday.

* * *

_February 9, 1912..._

It was the night of my Seventeenth year and yet here i was standing at the farthest corner of the grand hall. I wore a new dress, a gift from my mother. It was a deep blue with delicate black lace.

Music was playing and the room was filled with chatter. Rose was dancing with Lord Calvert. He was a fairly handsome man, kind and such a gentleman but he was nothing like a certain brown eyed, brooding Hockley. Rose looked absolutely divine in her emerald green ball gown, the colour matched her eyes perfectly.

"You're looking awfully lonely this evening" cal spoke coming to stand beside me. Suddenly memories of him whisking me away on the dance floor a few nights Ago during the Gala the Darcy's held came rushing in and i couldn't hide the blush creeping to tint my cheeks.

"Really? I hadn't noticed" i said innocently. I looked up at him, the smile on his lips made my knees quiver.

"Well, i have and i would very much like to see you smile. It is _your_ birthday after all" he said and i lowered my gaze to the ground suddenly feeling a bit sad.

"What if there is nothing to smile about, not when i still grieve for my late father" i said quietly. The look on his dark eyes made my heart skip a few beats. It was so tender and loving that one could easily mistake it as a look of passion. But i knew better.

"Yes well, i think it wouldn't please him at all to see his daughter so under the clouds on her birthday" he smiled softly and i couldn't help the smile that crept on my lips.

I shook my head. "No, he wouldn't" i said and then the music shifted from a faster beat to a slow lullaby like song. Cal raised his head to the orchestra seeming as though he knew the song. He suddenly offered me his arm along with a charming smile that just took my breath away.

"Would you give me the honour of being your second dance, Iris" he whispered to me softly and suddenly my heart started pounding against my chest so hard. I nodded shyly and took his offered hand.

He lead me to the marbled dance floor, my dress trailing behind me like a stream of blue waters. He lead the dance. Oh and he was absolutely wonderful doing the waltz.

"Have i ever told you how beautiful your eyes are, they remind me of the ocean and the sky" he said softly and i quickly looked away trying to hide the obvious blush.

Just then he started humming the song, low enough for only the two of us to hear

A male singer took the mike and sang with a velvet like voice

_'You're in my arms and all the world is calm'_

_'The music playing on for only two'_

_'So close together and when i'm with you'_

_'So close to feeling alive'_

He spun me around only to end up in his arms once more. _Why does it have to be him? He doesn't even see me as anything of a woman. To him i will always be just a little girl._

_'A life goes by romantic dreams will stop'_

_'So i bid mine goodbye and never knew'_

_'So close was waiting, waiting here with you'_

_'And now forever i know'_

_'All that i want is to hold you so close'_

We danced and danced until the music finally ended. After dancing with him i just couldn't stop smiling, he lead me out of the grand hall and towards a set of double glass doors that leads to a beautiful balcony, roses and ivies crept up the large pillars. The air was cold but neither of us cared.

"Ha! Can you believe it, i'm finally seventeen. Next year will be eighteen and after that marriage. Soon i will loose all of my freedom" i said a bit distantly as i gazed down the maze garden below us.

"Yes well, its all part of life. You loose something or someone to make room for those to come" he smiled and came a step closer beside me. Suddenly he reached up to tuck my hair behind my ear. His fingers lingered slightly but i didn't give it much meaning.

"Perhaps so, but before anything else i want to travel the world and see everything worth seeing, i'd like to know what it feels like to fly, to be truly free. You know?" He nodded and we fell into a comfortable silence. The rustling of the trees and leaves were the only sounds.

"There's something i want to give you" he said slowly before turning towards me.

"Oh cal, you really shouldn't have" i said. He's already done so much for me, and for my mother and sister for the past year that i've known him.

"Oh but i insist, plus its your birthday, my dear!" He said and reached in his tailcoat pocket.

"Close your eyes, love" he said and i hesitantly let my eyes fall shut. I then heard the sound of a box snapping open.

"You can open them now, my dear" he said and i slowly opened my eyes. In his hands he held out a small velvet box, inside was a beautiful golden butterfly comb with emerald wings. I gasped in awe.

"Its absolutely beautiful... Cal, thank you" i said as i lifted the delicate head piece and touched the wings. He then took it from my hands and place it in the intricate knots and buns of my red hair.

"You look wonderful" he had said and that was the last of my memories of him that did not consist of him and rose and how i tried to wrap my mind in the realisation that he was to be my sister's fiancé because the very next morning when i woke up i received news that cal shall marry my sister in a few weeks time after we gone back to America. _And my heart broke for the first time. But it was not the last._

* * *

"Iris dear, are you even listening to what i'm saying?" My mother snapped waking me from my dazed state.

"O-oh, what was that again mother?" She sighed with frustration.

"Never mind, whats in this box dear?" My mother said as she scanned the black velvet box that i put the 'heart of the ocean' in. I sighed

"Why don't you see for yourself mother" i said with a sour tone, she dismissively waved her hand at my comment and proceeded to open the box. I heard her gasp loudly as her eyes almost bulged out of her sockets once she saw whats inside. She held the large blue diamond in her hands like a fragile piece of glass and laid it across my collar bone. I sighed at the familiar weight.

"Its absolutely spectacular! Where did you get this?" My mother said in a low whisper. I hung my head low at the thought of cal and how utterly betrayed i felt.

"It is a gift mother" i said almost too sadly. And a very sharp look in her eyes reflected in her reflection in the mirror.

"A gift? From _who_?" She said sharply as she hooked the lock of the necklace securing it on my neck.

I hesitated if i should tell her who it was from, but knowing my mother she would never let it go. I inhaled deeply. "I-its from cal" i said. I expected her to be shocked or surprised but she only kept on looking at me with a blank expression. She patted my shoulder as if trying to comfort me for some sort of reason.

"I see, well then, come now dear its almost time for lunch and rose is waiting for us in the dinning hall"

My mother lead me through the corridors towards the dinning area, her gaze never leaving the blue diamond that hung from my neck. She looked at me with apologetic eyes and sighed deeply as if regretting something.

We sat in silence. I kept my gaze down as if the napkin on my lap suddenly becoming the most interesting thing on the planet. I could feel rose staring at me. Molly brown sat beside my mother who was on my right while rose sat opposite of my mother. The air was pregnant with an awkward silence.

Suddenly a door slammed open and we all looked up, thankful to the person for breaking the silence. But my gratefulness quickly dispersing as cal stood in front of everyone. My head hung low once more, my gaze focussing on the napkin again. I cant bare to face him right now. I fought the tears that threatened to escape as a lump suddenly hitched down my throat.

"Good afternoon everyone, sorry for the delay." He said with a smile that didn't quite reached his eyes.

"Thats alright, dear. Why don't you seat down so we can all eat" molly said almost too cheerfully. Cal nodded but didn't sit down just yet.

Suddenly he came towards me and took my hand from my lap bowing deep before letting his lips touch my knuckles. I felt his lips move as if almost saying_ 'i'm sorry'_ and before i can open my mouth to speak he was already sitting opposite of me. Everyone except rose and my mother stared at me in shock. Everyone knew that it was rose he was engaged to. I didn't notice the note he had stuck in my hand until it fell on my lap, finally seeing the folded piece of paper, i looked at cal with a puzzled expression. He just smiled at me and unfolded his napkin as if telling me to do the same, quickly realising what he meant i opened the little piece of paper and read it.

* * *

_Meet me by the clock at exactly 4:00 pm_

_I love you iris, i really do_

* * *

The note made me feel a sudden stab of pain in my chest and i had to excuse myself half an hour later to get some fresh air. As i left the hall i could've sworn cal tried to follow me but decided against it. After walking around for ten minutes i heard a soft tapping of shoes behind me, i turned around and saw rose standing there wearing a blue velvet dress and her white gloves.

"Rose, what are you doing here?" I mentally slapped myself for the hurt sound on my voice.

"Iris, i'm sorry." She said with a defeated sigh as she came to hug me. I let out a shaky breath as she wrapped her arms around me, it took me a minute to respond.

"What are you apologising for?" I said with a small but watery smile. The pain was there again. It was the sharp knife of betrayal piercing my heart.

"For everything, for last night, for everyday that i made your heart break" she said almost tearfully. I shook my head.

"Don't, _please_. Don't apologise to me because if you do i might start thinking you actually betrayed me, and i don't want that to happen rose" i said almost like a whisper.

"I know, but you must understand, cal... Cal loves you Iris! He wants to cancel the wedding because of you. He wants you and not me, please understand... That i don't want cal either, i'm in love with someone else" she said the tears slowly falling from her eyes. My brain couldn't grasp all the information i just heard. I blinked slowly and wrapped my arms around me. Suddenly i saw jack a few feet behind rose and he looked as if he was stalking her.

"I-i want to be alone for a while rose, if you don't mind." I said and a raspy breath escaped my lips.

"B-but-"

"Theres jack now, i think he wants to talk to you for a bit." I said cutting her off as i pointed at jack who went to hide behind a wall, rose smiled tenderly as she caught a glimpse of him. She nodded at me hesitantly and headed off towards jack. I went back to walking alone.

He wants to cancel the wedding? He wants me?! Everything was so complicated, how can he willingly throw away such an opportunity to marry someone as perfect as rose just to be with an ordinary girl like me?maybe... He really does love me, maybe i over reacted a bit. But the stabbing pain in my chest was still there and i just cant make it go away.

* * *

I sat on one of the chairs laid out on deck as i stared at the clear blue sky. Suddenly someone stood behind me blocking the sun. I turned my head and saw Ellie smiling at me. Her grey eyes looked almost silver in the sun.

"Ellie? What are you doing here?" I said a bit stunned to see her unlatched from her Fiancé. It was a rare sight to see her without him, Rudolf adored her to the point of following her everywhere she went. I sighed.

"Nothing really, i just saw you sitting here all alone and immediately remembered the old days back at the academy, you used to be such a little loner back then, you still are you know." She grinned from ear to ear. She sat down beside me and started babbling about our days as students. Back when everything was simple.

"I remember one time you even punched a boy. What was his name again? i keep forgetting his name, i think it starts with a J, was it jake? Joel? Jer-"

"John" i cut her off, my mind felt distant.

"Ah yes! Thats right, _John West_! He really was a dream boat, back when we were girls, now that we are ladies he's more like a swine now than a man" Ellie said as she crinkled her nose. I cringed at the thought of the blonde boy who tried to make his moves on me.

"You even got sent to the head mistress' office, and Caledon had to pick you up" she said with a small laugh. I smiled at the memory.

"Yes and you were there gawking when he punched John right out of his socks" i said as a giggle left my lips feeling a bit lighter now that i was with my best friend. She laughed too, her laugh was so girly. It sounded like bells.

"Yeah, i witnessed the whole scene, i always did thought he was going to be '_your'_ fiancé, after seeing how he had held your hand so possessively and how mad he got when you told him John had tried to lift your skirts" she said with a dreamy look on her face.

"Yes well, _i thought so too_" i muttered to myself. She didn't hear of course, still lost in the world of romance and fantasy. I looked at the clear horizon.

"Thats a _'very'_ pretty necklace you got there Iris!" Ellie squealed excitedly. Suddenly remembering the blue diamond that hung on my neck my hand immediately came to touch the cold stone.

"Where did you get it?" She said full of curiosity.

"It was a gift" i said softly. She just nodded at me with a knowing look. She always understood me even if i don't say anything.

After talking for a bit more Rudolf finally came to fetch her, it was already getting late. I checked my risk watch. 3:55 it read and i sighed heavily. I was contemplating wether i should go see cal or just stay here until the sun sets. But i knew i had to clear things up with him, so without another thought i got up from my chair and headed towards the grand stair case where the ornate clock sits idly.

* * *

I arrived at the bottom step. I saw him standing in front of the clock in his well tailored suit. He had his back towards me so he didn't see me walk up towards him. He was studying the clock with such interests as if he was trying to figure out how the mechanics work.

"Pretty, isn't it" i said as i came to stand beside him. I stared at the ornate clock. It truly was a master piece. Each detail was carved with such devoted passion and care.

"Yes, it is" he said and turned to face me. I looked at him and felt the same stab of pain in my chest again. But it was different type of pain. It was the pain of yearning and loss.

His eyes trailed down from my face to the base of my neck where his gift hung idly. He smiled at touched the blue stone, i felt his fingers brushing against my collar bone. A shiver ran down my spine like a chill.

"But _you_... You are far more beautiful" he whispered. "Im sorry, i never meant to hurt you Iris, never! And if i could take back every tear you ever cried because of me, i would" how can it be possible to love someone as much as i love him even after everything that has happened?! Surely there must be something wrong with me, because i cant help but feel as though i am falling for him all over again.

"I could give you the world, and i already gave you my heart, if only you can find it in you to accept it." My hands trembled at his words and yet i couldn't bring myself to touch him.

"I will not ask you to forgive me for last night for i did not do anything wrong, but i do want to ask for your forgiveness for every wound i ever caused your heart, for every tear you ever cried, and for every single time i made you doubt your importance to me" he said huskily.

"I know, i know what you did last night. Rose told me about how you wanted to cancel the wedding... W-why didn't you just tell me?" the tears i tried to hold now fell from my eyes. He shook his head and cupped my face with both his hands as he pressed his forehead against mine.

"I didn't want you to be forced to marry me in such short notice. I wanted you to have time, to have a choice. All my life I've been forced to live with decisions i didn't make for myself and i never want you to feel that way; caged like a wild animal. I wanted to give you your freedom" his eyes now closed and his breath was warm against my cheek. He was so close i could almost taste him.

"I don't want to be free, not if i'm not with you... Cal" i said. Suddenly without any warning his lips captured mine. His movements were slow and gentle. I pulled away suddenly and he stared at me confused.

"Take me to your rooms" i said in a low whisper and he took my hand as he lead me to his rooms. The minute he closed the doors i have already attached myself to his lips as my arms wrapped around his neck.


	10. Ch 10 Unsinkable love

Chapter 10. Unsinkable love

His kisses were fervent but sweet. Unlike all the other times we kissed there wasn't a shred of doubt in my heart, not anymore. His lips and his warmth was all i can think of, i was drowning in him and i wouldn't change a single thing.

"I love you" i whispered. Our breathing was laboured and heavy. Our bodies pressed together as he laid me on his bed.

"I love you too" he said as he kissed my lips once more. His tongue parted my lips, i could taste him, everything about him. I don't care what society will think of us as long as we can be like this, always.

His lips left mine and trailed butterfly kisses down my neck and collar bone. My fingers tangled in his dark brown hair pulling him closer to me, his hands found their way to the back of my dress, slowly he slid off the sleeves of my dress until my shoulders were completely bare. I could feel him trembling as he traced my bare skin with his fingers. My breath hitched in my throat as he bit me softly on the base of my neck. The heat of his mouth devouring me with the flame of desire. I fumbled with his coat until finally being able to slide the piece of fabric off his shoulders and onto the floor. He pulled away from me just enough to look me straight in the eyes. His hair hung in his eyes as he whispered to me softly.

"Are you sure about this?" He asked as if he was asking a small child, i would be lying if i said i wasn't scared but still, i want him, i want him to be a part of me, forever.

"As long as you'll still love me in the morning" i said as i grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him in for a chaste kiss. His lips brushing against mine with such tenderness that it almost felt foreign but none the less wonderful.

"Until my heart stops beating" he had whispered so solemnly that i couldn't help the tears from over flowing. He pulled away from my lips and kissed my closed eyes as if to make the tears stop.

We sat up on his bed, my back was towards him. Shadows danced around the room as the small fire of the candles that lit the dim room flickered slightly. Slowly he undid the laces at the back of my dress. His fingers lingering as they brushed against my over heated skin. His lips trailed just above his hands as he continued to undress me, i could hear my blood roaring in my ears as my breathing became more laboured. I felt his fingers touch the back of my neck as he tried to unlock the necklace.

"I'd like to keep it on... Cal" i had said and he just kissed the spot the diamond chain rested on. I felt a shiver run down my spine. His hands finally stopped fiddling with the laces and now rested on my shoulders. The dress slumped and i held it to my chest as it fell open exposing my back. His lips traced my spine with such gentleness that made me release a breath i didn't know i was holding. I clamped a hand over my mouth to muffle the moan that threatened to escape my lips. He traced his way upwards until his lips was just behind my left ear.

"I will make love to you, Iris" he whispered huskily. I shuddered almost visibly as his breath ghosted against my cheek. He slowly turned me towards him, his eyes were dark with desire but they shimmered with a hint of tenderness. He kissed me fiercely drawing my lower lip in his mouth as he bit it softly. He grabbed my wrists pulling them away from my chest making the dress fall to my waist, i felt utterly exposed. He pulled away from me and i blushed a deep red as he stared at my naked torso.

"_Beautiful_" he breathed. And as i stared into his deep brown eyes, for once i truly did feel beautiful. He touched the heart shaped diamond that hung just between my breasts. The blue stone glimmered beautifully in the dim light of the candles.

I pulled him towards me once more and our lips met in another searing kiss. My fingers blindly unbuttoning his white dress shirt. He grasped my clumsy hand and pulled them away before yanking the annoying fabric when unbuttoning them became too much trouble. He threw the fabric to the floor and he kissed me once more as he laid me down on the bed. His mouth went from my lips to my jaw, he trailed down to my neck and finally landing at the valley between my breast. He kissed me there softly, his hand cupping my left breast, kneading it in his large hand. I moaned loudly at the new sensation. Soon his mouth covered my other mound. The heat was consuming me like flames that slowly consumes a candle. It was spreading through me like a wildfire. His other hand yanked my dress once more, pulling it completely off of me along with my knickers. He pulled away from me and surveyed my now completely naked body. I felt so bold and desired at the moment.

I pulled at his trousers and unbuttoned them. His hands guiding mine as he slid off the dark fabric. Soon after a few more articles of clothing such as shoes and socks we were now completely naked.

His lips were everywhere, and so were his hands. Trembling fingers and shaky breaths was all that i was able to grasp as he finally claimed me as his own. Tears leaked from my eyes but he kissed each one. Every thrust and every gasp became lost in the heat of skin sliding against skin. Fingers tangling in hair and hands clutching the bed sheets. Silent murmurs of sweet nothings whispered in each others ears and the creaking of the mattress were the only sounds to break the silence as we lost ourselves to heat of our love making. And soon the pleasure was too much. Pressure built and then came the rush of relief as we both panted heavily. Limbs entangled and forehead pressed against the other's.

"I will treasure them forever" i said to him and he lifted his head to look at me, his elbows supporting his weight so as to not crush me. "Each kiss, each whisper and every lingering touch... All of them" i said as i traced his lips with my fingers. His eyes closing momentarily before looking at me once more, his hair hung in his eyes as they came off of his usually neat style. My other hand traced his strong jaw and sliding down to his bare and solid chest. He just kissed my forehead. I could feel his heart beating loudly beneath my palm. I wanted to stay like this forever.

Suddenly the ship shuddered, trinkets and other items fell from desks and shelves as the lights flickered slightly until steadying again, the chandeliers swung slowly, the crystals chiming together like the sounds of broken glass. Cal got up and sat at the edge of the bed.

"What was that?" I asked a bit worried. The ship must've hit something. Cal shook his head and looked at me.

"I don't know, maybe one of the engines broke down." He said and i grasped the sheets closer to my chest. I looked at him with worried eyes. What if the ship sinks?! As if sensing my fear cal cupped my cheek in one hand and leaned in to kiss my forehead. "Im sure theres no need to worry, love" he smiled reassuringly and helped me get up from the bed. Moments later we were almost fully dressed. Well he was completely dressed, it was me who still couldn't manage to put on my dress properly. He then helped me lace up the back of my dress, kissing my back as he trailed up until finally tying it in a ribbon.

* * *

A knock sounded on the door before suddenly it swung open with a slam. Cal looked at the steward annoyed for disturbing us.

"Sir, i've been told to ask you to put your lifebelts on and come up to the boat deck, please" a steward said popping his head in.

"Get out! We're busy" cal almost yelled. But the steward refused to listen as he opened a few drawers and took out lifebelts.

"Im sorry about the inconvenience Mr. Hockley but its captains orders. Please dress warmly it is quite cold tonight" he said. Then turned towards me when he saw my worried expression. "Not to worry miss. i'm sure it is just a precaution" he said but i still cant shake off the horrid sinking feeling at the bottom of my stomach. Cal wrapped an arm around my waist as if to ease my nerves.

"This is _ridiculous_." Cal muttered as he pressed me closer to him. I clutched the fabric of his shirt tightly. The steward handed us the lifebelts and soon left us. I wrapped an arm around cal's waist.

"We better go see how my mother is faring" i said and we quickly walked out of the room, cal carried the lifebelts almost as an after thought. We met my mother in the hall, dressed in a dark fur coat and a lifebelt. She eyed me and cal suspiciously for a mere second before her expression turned blank again.

"Mother are you alright? What's going on?" I asked her and she shook her head.

"I don't know, dear" she sighed and cal held my hand tightly.

* * *

We made our way up the boat deck. Almost every first class passenger was gathered at the area. Molly was there too.

"Its just the god damned english doing everything by the book" cal swore and his hand let go of mine only to wrap around my waist. His other hand held the lifebelts. Mother scowled at his choice of words while i walked almost mechanically.

"Theres no need for language, Mr. Hockley" my mother said then turned to trudy and Helga who were standing beside her. "Go back and turn the heater on in my room, so it won't be cold when we come back" my mother said to trudy and Helga. And soon enough they were gone. I looked at my mother.

"Mother, where is rose?" I said a bit worried for my sister. What if theres an emergency and we couldn't find her?! What then?!

"I don't know, dear. I haven't seen her since this afternoon, i've had Helga and trudy look for her earlier but they couldn't find her. Im really starting to worry" my mother said with a sigh as she rubbed my arm.

"You're freezing, dear! Where is your coat?! You'll catch a cold" my mother said and i looked down at my clothes. I was wearing a soft indigo chiffon dress that has a long flimsy train and sheer sleeves that were off the shoulders along with the blue diamond necklace also known as the heart of the ocean. Cal stared at me. He shrugged off his long black coat and draped it over my shoulders, i unconsciously slipped my arms through the sleeves.

"Wouldn't want you getting sick now would we, love" cal said and wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

Thomas Andrews entered the hall, looking around the magnificent room with sorrow in his eyes. I quickly ran towards him, cal soon following behind me.

"Mr. Andrews tell me what is going on? I can see it in your eyes, please tell me the truth!" He looked at me a bit uncertain then sighed.

"The ship will sink" he said blatantly and i gasped but didn't let myself quiver with fear.

"You're certain?" I asked.

"Yes. In an hour or so... All this... Will be at the bottom of the Atlantic" he said and i felt cal hold my hand.

"_My god_!" Cal said stunned at the revelation.

"Please tell only who you must. I don't want to be the cause of a panic. Get to the boats and don't wait. Understand?" He said with a serious expression.

"Yes, i understand. Thank you" Andrews nodded then left, waving through passengers as he told them to put on their lifebelts and get to the boats.

I turned to face cal, my face etched with worry and urgency. He held my shoulders to keep me from shaking.

"Rose! I have to tell rose.. And jack. She's probably with him. I must find her, cal!" I said and my voice were coming out in shallow breaths.

"Calm down, Iris! Im sure we'll find her" he said in a hushed tone and kissed my forehead. Oh rose, please be alright.


	11. Ch 11 Falling into the depts

Chapter 11. Falling into the depts

We were standing by the boats. I can see spicer coming towards us. I sent him earlier to find rose and Dawson at Iris' request. She even insisted on going to look for the pair herself!

"My brooch. I left my brooch. I must have it" i heard ruth say as she turned to go back to her rooms. Was this woman mad?! How can she be worried about a stupid brooch at the moment when the whole titanic is about to sink. I grabbed her arm firmly and she looked up at me with surprise. She struggled for a bit but i refused to let go.

"Stay here, ruth" i said solemnly and i saw a flash of fear in her eyes. She nodded quickly then went back beside Iris.

Lighttoler was yelling at every one, telling women and children to get on the boat. Iris stood beside me, her eyes were wide as she stared at the people giving their farewells to loved ones. I could see the tears forming in her eyes. I pulled her close to me and kissed the crown of her head.

"Come one you heard the man, get in the boat sister" molly said to ruth who was fumbling to get to the boat.

"Will the lifeboats be seated according to class? I hope its not too crowded-"

"Mother, shut up! People are going to die and still you're concerned about being on first class?! And rose... I have to find rose!" Iris yelled as she yanked herself from my grasp. Ruth stared at yer youngest daughter mouth agape. Molly practically pushes ruth towards Lighttoler.

"Come on now Iris, dear. You're up next Darlin." Molly encouraged her to get on the boat and i guided her towards the lifeboat. Iris shook her head wildly.

"No. No! I have to find rose!" She yelled then her eyes turned to me then to Lovejoy who stood behind me. "Did you find her?" She asked.

Lovejoy shook his head. "No, afraid i haven't. Shes not on the starboard side either" he said and iris trembled. I tried to hold her but she wouldn't let me.

"Its a damned ship! She cant possibly be anywhere else" the rage in her eyes were flaming like a hot boiler ready to explode.

"Iris calm down!" I said but she just turned away. I gripped her arms and she looked at me pleadingly.

"Let go cal. I have to find my sister" she said but i held my ground.

"No! I cant let you go" i said but she struggled from my grip and slipped away. She ran towards the throngs of people. I ran after her spicer on my heels. She was fast, like a red headed whirlwind of a tornado. I chased after her, calling her name but wouldn't turn back. She wouldn't give in. Soon i lost sight of her red hair flailing behind her as she dove within the crowed of panicking passengers. Damn it! Where did she go?! I turned around and found spicer standing behind me. I scowled at the other passengers.

"Follow her and bring her back, Lovejoy. Find her!" I yelled and soon spicer was off to find Iris. Damn It all!

* * *

I went back up the deck and spoke with Lighttoler. Apparently men weren't aloud to load the boat. Only women and children. Everything was falling apart. I needed to find iris quick and secure a boat for the both of us.

Moments later spicer came back. "Well? Im guessing you didn't find her?" I asked angered and annoyed. This was turning into a nightmare.

"We're running out of time, and this strutting marionette..." I indicated Lighttoler "isn't letting any men in at all" i sighed.

"The one on the other side is letting men in" he said and i nodded at him, my thoughts brought me back to my latest problem. Iris! I need to find her quick.

"Then thats our play. But were still going to need some insurance. Come on" i said and headed back down to my rooms. We walked through masses of people, i kept my eyes open for Iris or rose... Even Dawson. But with no such luck i didn't see any of them. Once inside my room i stopped momentarily in front of my bed. The sheets were still rumpled and pillows still strewn to the floor from our love making earlier this evening. The memory of Iris' soft skin sliding against mine and the taste of her sweet lips fuelled my hopes in finding her. I walked to my safe and opened it quickly. The combination was like a very familiar friend to me. I took out a few stacks of bills.

"I make my own luck" i said with a grin to spicer which he returned.

"So do i" he said and showed me his colt 45 underneath his coat. We headed back up. I saw ben and his valet standing by the foyer.

"Ben, whats the occasion?" I asked with a grin. He was dressed in his finest suit. White tie and all that crap. Not that I'm not wearing one at the moment.

"We have dressed in our best and are prepared to go down like gentlemen" the fool answered and i felt myself cringed. I wasn't ready to die, not yet. Not when i just got iris back. Not when everything was finally falling into place with her.

"Thats admirable ben, but unlike you i still have a wedding to attend to and it happens to be my own. So i'll tell that to your wife... Once i arrive at New york" i smirked as i walked on.

* * *

We arrived too late! The boat was already descending. I clenched my jaw.

"We're too late! And i still have to find Iris" i said to spicer. I mentally cursed myself for loosing her in the first place.

"There still some boats forward, you stay with this one... Murdoch. He seems to be 'practical'" spicer went off to see the other boats. I saw three dogs pass me by. I looked down below on the commotion. A gun was fired and everything was turning into chaos.

"Its starting to fall apart. I don't have much time" i said to myself and ran my hand through my hair. I then see Murdoch turn from the davits of boat 15 and start walking towards the bow. I quickly caught up to him walking beside him.

"Mr. Murdoch, i am a business man, as you know and i have a business proposition for you." I started off and we soon fell into an agreement.

"Alright, but you'll have to be quick. Find her before the boat descends Mr. Hockley" i nodded and went to the side awaiting spicer's return. Soon enough the man emerged from the crowd.

"I found her and she's with her sister and 'him' she is over at the post side" i was ecstatic to hear that she was safe.

"Anyone else?! Mr. Hockley? Its time" Murdoch said and i gazed at the boat ready to descend. I ground my teeth. He wouldn't hold the boat any longer and i have to get to Iris now! I clenched my jaw. Oh screw it all!

"God damn it to hell! Come on" i said and turned away from Murdoch who signalled to lower the boat. I would rather go down with this damned ship than leave without my darling iris! She was mine and I'm not gonna let anything or anyone take her away from me!

* * *

She was standing there. Her soft red lips almost quivering from the cold, her skin was so pale from too much stress and her vibrant red hair was in total disarray. But still she was absolutely beautiful. Iris was grasping roses' arm. Telling her to get on the lifeboat but rose refused to go, not without jack. I came closer to the trio. I stood behind iris and wrapped an arm around her slim waist. I heard her gasp in surprise as she turned around swiftly. But her face softened once she saw it was me. I stared at her with mixture of anger, annoyance and relief. 'My god this girl knew how to drive crazy!'

"You stupid girl! Why the hell did you run away like that?!" I yelled but before she can open her mouth to answer i quickly leaned in and kissed her savagely. I felt her grip my shirt tightly as she responded to my kisses with the same amount of vigour. I parted her lips with my tongue and explored every sweet crevice of her mouth like it was the last. I slipped an arm around her waist the other in her hair. I sucked on her tongue and i felt her shiver, i released her mouth, finally to breath.

Her eyes looked dazed for a moment before turning back to the sharp glacier blue orbs that haunt my unholy dreams. She buried her face in the crook of my neck, i can feel her hot breath as she let out a sigh of relief.

"Iris, you have to get to a boat now! The ship will soon sink!" I said as i held both sides of her head. She looked at me sadly.

"But what about you? Men are not being aloud to load the boat, cal!" She shook her head, i knew that. I just wanted her to be safe. I looked at jack and rose who was looking just as miserable as us, rose held on to his hand like it was her very lifeline. I turned back to iris who was now trembling wildly, i kissed her forehead for a long moment. Why did i feel like i was saying goodbye.

"It doesn't matter, as long as you're safe. Now get on the boat!" I said to her but she wouldn't go, she just stood there shaking her head while tears fell from her eyes.

"No! I'm no going without you! What happened to forever, cal?" She asked and i held her closer. I closed my eyes and felt the end of everything.

"Its fine, we'll find a way. Isn't that right jack?" I said and jack nodded.

"Yeah, thats right! We're survivors, remember? Cal and i will be just fine. We'll meet you at the dock. Now get on the boat you two" jack and i smiled sadly at each other. We ushered rose and iris towards the boat. I stared at iris as the boat was being lowered. I gave her a small smile and tried to savour every last second that will see her beautiful face. Rockets were fired and lights surrounded her like a halo, she looked like a fiery angel being lowered from heaven.

"What now?" Jack asked and i smiled sadly as my gaze never left iris' face.

"You said it yourself, we survive" i said and he nodded at me. Another rocket blasted off into the sky.

"I never thought i'd say this Dawson, but you're alright... For a steerage rat" i said with a smirk and he did the same.

"Well, thats as far as i will get to a compliment, from you that is" i nodded and looked down once more to look at iris, her eyes were filled with tears and my heart clenched. I knew that our chances at survival was very minimal. But still i smiled at her but closed my eyes. Maybe it really was the end but i don't care as long as she is safe, i'm happy to go down with this ship. As long as its for her. Because i would deny her nothing...


	12. Ch 12 Diving in ice

Chapter 12. Diving in ice

I stared up at his face, he smiled down at me reassuringly but i know that deep down i side they don't stand a chance. I cant do this, i cant leave him like this... Cal. What if there's no boat? What then? I felt my hands tremble as i clutched cal's coat closer towards me. I felt rose's arms wrap around me. I looked up once more and saw cal smiling at me with his eyes sliding close as if he was saying goodbye. Rockets erupted in the dark sky as if a beacon of hope. Jack and cal stood side by side.

_"Steady! Steady men! Lower!"_ Everything was falling apart. I cant go on like this, not with out cal. I needed him, i needed to break free.

Suddenly i felt myself flying off the lifeboat, i wasn't aware of my own actions. I flung myself to the railing and tried to hold on and not fall. I could hear cal yelling for me to stop, to not jump but i was far too gone to listen. People near the ships side ran towards me helping me get on the ship. They pulled me up until i could feel my feet on the ground once more. I thanked everyone who helped me and ran as fast as i could. My heart was racing so fast, my surroundings flew past me in a mad dash of colours.

There just a few feet away, cal ran as fast as he could towards me. I closed my eyes as i felt his arms wrap around me almost suffocating me with his strength. His warmth, his scent, his strong arms wrapped around me... I cant believe i almost lost it all. He pulled away from me and kissed me savagely, my tears fell quickly as he kissed and embraced me.

"You stupid little girl! Why did you do that?!" He yelled at me but before i can answer he was kissing me fiercely again.

"Were you trying to kill me with a heart attack?!" He said then kissed me again.

"How can you risk your life like it was worth nothing?!" He was furious, i can tell but i don't care, not as long as he was holding me so close as if i'd disappear if he let go.

"I cant... I cant live without you... Cal, if you die then i die too, you said you wouldn't deny me anything, so please don't deny me the one thing i cant live without" i said and i reached up and kissed him passionately, our tongues battling for dominance.

The ship started creaking loudly, water was starting to flood the majority of the ship as people scrambled about, gunshots and chaos was everywhere. Suddenly jack emerges from the stairs.

"Hurry you two! Were almost out of time! All the boats are gone and the ship will soon go under!" Jack yelled and we followed him back up and ran towards the back of the ship. People were scrambling to be saved but there was no hope. The once magnificent ship of dreams was now in complete ruin.

"Jack, the ship will soon break, we have to find a way so we wouldn't get caught in the sinking!" Cal yelled and jack nodded seeming as though he thought of an idea. Cal held my hand in a tight grip as we went further up to the ships rear, the ship was slowly tipping in an odd angle, we soon reached the very back of the ship and and we held on to the railing as half of the massive vessel soon reached a 70 degree angle.

"Look, i have a plan! We have to stay on the ship for as long as possible! And hold on tight!" Cal and i nodded and we climbed to the opposite side of the railing and held on tightly until the ship finally took on a 90 degree angle! We were on the very top of the ship as we were lifted high up as the other half of the titanic sank into the ocean, suddenly a loud cracking noise can be heard amongst the wild screaming of people sliding and being thrown off the ship and into the black depts of the freezing atlantic, some of the people crashing through furniture and walls and metal, they were dead before they even hit the merciless waters, as the loud noise of wood and metal breaking became louder, huge chunks of wood and steam pipes came crashing down like a barrel rolling down a steep hill, destroying and killing everything in its path, i watched wide eyed as people died and suffered in front of me, i held on to cal as the fear finally made its way to my mind, he was on top of me, his arms braced on either side of the railing serving as a cage that held me safe, jack was right there beside us.

Suddenly the titanic split in half, electric cables and chunks of metal flew everywhere and soon our side of the ship was sinking fast. "Take a deep breath in three, two and now!" Jack yelled and i quickly sucked in a huge amount of air as i braced myself for the impact, moments later i felt the hard splash of water against me, it felt almost solid as it hit me flat in the face, i could feel the cold biting into my skin and all the way to my bones like a bee stinging my skin with a knife like stinger. I struggled to hold my breath. I let go of the railing and felt myself sinking further into the dark abyss as i was being pulled along with the ship. I couldn't swim and i was beginning to loose consciousness, my entire body felt numb and i could see white spots dancing at the back of my eye lids, right then somebody pulled me up, my head rose to the surface and for a moment i couldn't see anything, everything was a blurred mass of darkness and cold water. Finally my vision cleared up and i saw cal floating in front of me his arms helping me keep myself on the surface, jack was also floating beside me.

"Shit! The waters cold... Are you two alright" jack asked and i nodded weakly.

"Were fine, but we need to find something to keep iris afloat, she can't swim" cal said and i felt jack swim away. My brain finally registered what was happening around me, people were waddling in the water, some were drowning while some yelled and screamed for help, many were shaking from the cold. Around us bodies both dead and alive floated like water lilies. I saw not a few feet away from where i and cal floated a mother and child was drifting by, both of them lifeless and limp. I gasped as i stared into their dead eyes, the were open and stared up at the sky. I felt hot tears escape my eyes. Cal noticed and looked in my line of sight and sighed when he too saw the tragic sight. He covered my eyes with one hand but still i cried.

Moments later jack came back to us with a wooden door in tow and told me to get on, i did what i was told and laid my head on the hard surface, the wind was harsh and cold and my lungs suddenly felt so heavy and constricted. I hurt just to take small breaths. I closed my eyes for a moment and listened to cal and jacks voices.

"What do we do now?" Jack said "shit this water is cold!"

"We wait for a rescue boat... But they wont arrive for at least an hour or so" cal replied and they went on like that for a few minutes. It was strange yet comforting to see that they are actually getting along. I smiled to myself. But there it was again, that biting pain and also a hard throbbing at the back of my head made me cringe. The sensation made my feet even colder. Another bolt of pain shot through my head and lungs and soon i felt myself slipping away into unconsciousness and then there was blackness.


	13. Ch 13 A blank sheet

Chapter 13. A blank sheet.

_'We never truly forget the common things, we only forget those that are important, because they weight too much for it to remain afloat forever in a sea of faded memories.'_

* * *

I cracked my eyes open, it took me a moment to get used to the bright white light hanging above me.

I tried to sit up but felt a sudden rush of pain shoot through my head, it made me flinch and close my eyes tight momentarily. Once the pain is gone i gently opened my eyes and surveyed my surroundings. Everything was painted in clean white. From the ceiling to the very last detail. I was lying on a bed that had a metal plate attached at the footboard. It reads 'Blue Iris De-Witt Bakater' It must be my name... But i wouldn't know for i don't remember anything. Not even a shred of information can be found in my head. All i know is that i'm here and that i am, i'm guessing... In a hospital?

Suddenly a door opened revealing a man with dark hair and brown eyes. He was very handsome! He was also wearing a very nice looking grey suit, i bet he is very rich but i doubt he is the doctor.

His dark smouldering eyes was wide open, as if he was shocked to see me. Does he know me? Who is he to me? I cant seem to recall anything at all! I stared at him for another moment and watched as he ran his hand through his dark hair. He opened his mouth to speak but didn't.

"W-who are you?" I asked and the look on his face turned from shock to complete and utter confusion. He came towards me and sat at the foot of the bed. I pulled the sheets closer to my chest to at least save my modesty, i was only wearing a white nightdress made out of thin cotton. He reached out to me and touched my cheek, his hand was warm and gentle... Am i somehow important to him?

"Are you alright love? What do you mean _who am i?_ Don't you remember me?" His eyes were so sad and confused that i felt my heart ache, but still i do not recall him at all.

"I mean... I don't know who you are! I can't remember anything... Who i am, why i'm here and where i'm from... I don't know anything" i said a bit too sadly. I felt so helpless. He stroked my cheek with the pad of his thumb.

"How long have you been awake love?" His voice was husky but smooth... It was like sand paper sliding against velvet. I shook my head.

"Not very long, just a few minutes before you arrived" i said and he sighed. He leaned in closer. My eyes immediately widened when i felt his soft lips touch my temple. Should i push him away? Should i wrap my arms around him? I don't know, but a warm buzzing feeling erupted from my belly when he kissed my ear and whispered.

"Don't worry, i'm here... I'll help you remember, i promise" i pressed my hands on his chest and sighed as i let this complete stranger wrap his arms around me in a warm embrace. He was kissing the top of my head and i felt myself melting into him. Who ever he is, i must be very important to him.

"I don't even know your name..." I said in a muffled whisper as i buried my face between his neck and shoulder. His scent was absolutely intoxicating... Like mint and tea with a light hint of smoke.

"Its _Cal_, Caledon Hockley" he said then released me from his arms.

Moments later a doctor came into the room, cal had told him about earlier and the doctor looked at me in a funny way. He ushered cal out of the room before closing the door. I couldn't hear what they were talking about, probably about me... But why did the doctor think that i shouldn't hear about it? Was i going to die? Do i have an incurable illness? But i feel completely fine! Other than the complete blankness in my head and the sore limbs for lying here for god knows how long, i feel absolutely healthy... And this Cal person, he seems really concerned about me? Who could he possible be to me? Is he my brother? That seems a bit wrong... I don't know why but it just does... If not a relative then maybe a friend? Or could it be... A lover?!

I gasped as i felt a hand suddenly touch my arm. It was cal. I was too busy dwelling on my thoughts that i didn't notice him standing in front of me.

"Is everything alright love?" He said with his brows furrowed and i frowned at the sight of his distressed look. I didn't like seeing him worried.

"I- i'm fine, what were you saying again?" I asked.

"The doctor said he can let you out now, we can go home, my dear" he smiled and i smiled too. I can go home, where ever that is.

"Great! I cant wait... Where ever home is" i said in a cheerful tone. I hope i can start remembering things again, i just wish he's a part of my memories.

* * *

The car was slowly turning a curb, we were in a deserted street, nothing but cobble stone and trees and a few lamp posts glowing dimly crowded the street. After a few more minutes the car came to a halt. I looked up at cal and he smiled at me, i think i rather like his smile...

"We're here love" i furrowed my brows and looked out the car window; i couldn't see very much... I was growing nervous... What was i like before? Do i still have any family? So many questions kept tugging at the back of my mind but i dismissed them... For now. A large black metal gate opened to let us in, leading onto a path of cement. On both sides i could see a gigantic lawn; the grass was cut so evenly and so were the other shrubberies.

The car stopped once more and suddenly the door to the car opened, cal stepped out first and then helped me by holding my hand, he didn't let go though... He instead he kept my arm on his elbow like a perfect gentleman, i don't know why but the action seemed so natural and familiar, even for me. I studied my surroundings; a large fountain with singing angels and lily pads was situated on the centre of the driveway.

A large towering mansion with tall glass windows loomed over us, the walls and pillars were the colour of ivory and large oak door stood in the very centre of the arch. Every thing was done with great attention to detail and artistry.

"Its beautiful...!" I gasped and cal looked at me with a content smirk. It made me blush, something about him just make my skin tingle, i'm not sure yet if its a good thing or not.

"Yes, a beautiful home for a most beautiful young woman" he said and i felt my knees buckle. He led me inside which is just as grand and beautiful as the exterior; long champaign coloured drapes hung open over tall windows almost reaching the incredibly high ceilings, a crystal chandelier hovered above us like a cascade of glimmering jewels and a grand double staircase laid with the finest red velvet welcomed us with its great splendour.

"Do you live here alone?" I asked glimpsing through open doors that were always empty excluding some of the maids and other working staff.

"No, my parents used to live here with me, but they moved to the central of town because of the family business and my sister... Well she sometimes visit" he said while we entered a cozy little room with silk embroidered chairs and laced hemmed table clothes and a small fire place with a beautifully carved mantle.

"You have a sister? How wonderful! I wish i had one too..." I said gleefully and smiled up at him. He smirked at me, seemingly amused with me.

"Oh... But you do, an older one, by three years of age gap actually" he said and i felt my eyes widen. Really? I have a sister? I wonder what she looks like, hopefully she can help me understand myself better.

"I do? Where is she then?" I asked. I then heard a loud cough and i turned my head to the side. I cant believe i didn't notice that other people were in the room as well, i stared at them a bit shocked.

There were two females and one male, the older one looked at me with worry and relief etched on her face, her red hair was done in an intricate up do that made her neck look stunning like swans. The younger one had glistening green eyes and the same fiery red hair as mine, only a bit shorter. She was absolutely beautiful! Almost like a porcelain doll. The male that stood beside her was a young man with blonde hair, his eyes were green with specks of grey and blue, they were so vibrant i can see them even from my distance.

"I-iris, my little girl!" The older woman made her way to me and hugged me furiously as if i might disappear if she didn't hold on to me tight enough. I let my arms dangle on my side for one moment before wrapping them gently around her.

"My dear, i thought i lost you forever." She said and i saw the tears welling up in her eyes. I smiled weakly.

"I wish i could greet you just as warmly... But i'm afraid i don't remember who you are... I don't remember any of you actually. I'm like a blank sheet of paper" i said and the look on her face was absolutely horrid. She turned to cal and looked at him questioningly.

"Caledon, what is she talking about?! What is going on?!" She yelled almost furiously. Cal sighed to himself.

"Ruth, we need to talk"


	14. Ch 14 Kiss me awake

**_Hey guys! Thanks for the great reviews and support! I really didn't think this story would go far but i guess you guys proved me wrong... Thank you again!_**

* * *

Chapter 14. Kiss me awake

"Caledon, tell me what is going on?! Why cant my own daughter remember me?!" Ruth half yelled at me, her eyes were filled with tears and her cheeks were almost as red as her hair. I shut my eyes for a moment, trying to find the words to say.

"I-i'm sorry ruth... I should have informed you first" i sighed, i could feel a vein throbbing in my forehead. How am i supposed to explain things to ruth?!

"How did this happen?" Ruth's voice trembled as she spoke.

"Ruth... I'm afraid iris is suffering from a rare type of amnesia caused by severe trauma" her expression was absolutely pitiful. Ruth looked so broken and miserable. I wouldn't blame her for thats how i feel right now. I feel so shattered and dreadful, she doesn't remember any of us, not even me... I thought everything would be alright the moment we leave that bloody ship behind but now... Now everything is gone, iris left everything in that ship once it sunk to the bottom of the atlantic, everything... Even the memories that she promised she will treasure and cherish for as long as she lives.

"Will she ever remember?" Ruth asked a bit of hope in her eyes. I shook my head and fought the tears.

"Im not sure, there's a possibility, yes. But the chances are very minimal" i hated how the truth can be such a treacherous thing. Ruth nodded and looked at me with wondering eyes. I stared at my feet trying to hide the pain that i feel, i truly felt at a loss.

"W-what about the wedding, Caledon? Will you wed rose... Or is it still iris?" My gaze suddenly turned to the older woman standing in front of me. I couldn't marry rose, i don't love her... And jack is the one who she love and i will gladly fund for their wedding, i promised this to jack when he helped me look after iris while in the middle of the atlantic, and iris, my sweet beautiful iris. She doesn't even remember who i am, what more what we went through and how she felt about me...

I cant just force her to love me as if it was the only choice she has.

"No, i won't marry rose, she will be married to jack by the end of next week and as for iris... I don't know, i love her more than anything ruth, and i would give everything i have if i can undo this" i sighed, i felt absolutely exhausted, i haven't slept in a week, i was too worried about iris that i couldn't bear the thought of leaving her side while she was at the hospital.

"I-i see, but Caledon, what if she never recall, what will you do?" I shook my head and sat on my leather chair.

"I don't know, but if she want... I am willing to let her go" i said sadly and closed my eyes, i didn't have the strength to deal with anymore of this, i dismissed ruth and she left my private study without another word.

I leaned further back into my chair, soon sleep fell upon me, drowning my sorrows away with past memories that still felt so fresh and vivid, morphing into my dreams which soon turned into nightmares.

* * *

_"Red hair billowed in the wind as a slim figure with stunning glacier blue eyes stood on the edge of the bow of the magnificent ship called titanic, her hands were out stretched on her sides like a bird ready to take flight. Her gentle red lips curled up in a smile of pure innocence and contentment, she looked like an angel, my angel._

_I tried to reach out to my lovely iris as she looked over her shoulder towards me with glee dancing in her eyes. She called out to me but her voice sounded distant and muffled, suddenly her image became bleary and dark and everything was quickly submerged in freezing water, the cold pierced my skin like a thousand needles while iris reached out to me with hopelessness in her eyes as she went under the dark abyss of the atlantic... "_

* * *

"Cal! Wake up...!" I heard a familiar voice say my name, i blinked the sleep from my eyes and found myself staring into intense pools of blues and greys. I released a breath i didn't know i was holding and felt iris' hand touch my forehead, her hand was cool against my heated skin. I sighed.

"Are you alright cal? You were making _weird_ noises" she furrowed her brow and i smiled softly at her, i took her hand from my forehead and brought it to my lips, i kissed her palm tenderly and the her wrist, suddenly i froze and stared up at her, her face was flushed and her lips formed a small 'o' i was such a fool! I completely forgot, she doesn't remember me nor our relationship. I let go of her hand cautiously and coughed a bit loudly.

"Sorry about that, but yes i am quite fine now, nothing to worry about" i smiled at her and she looked at me curiously but then returned my smile, her eyes quickly lighting up. She is so innocent and naive.

I watched her as she fiddled with the trinkets and other objects in my study with great interest, almost like a child. She looked absolutely beautiful! Her hair was free of any clutter and jewellery, and she wore the most enticing shade of red. Her creamy shoulders were bare and so were her pale neck. Memories of our first night together flashed in my mind like a bolt of lightning; electrifying every nerve ending in my body. I shook my head to clear the thoughts. God! This is not the time to think of such things.

"Can we go out into town, cal?" Iris asked her eyes hopeful. I nodded at her.

"I suppose so but why would you want to go there? Is there something you want to buy?" I asked.

"Not really, i just wanted to go out and see things, perhaps it will help refreshen my memories" her voice was sad, a bit too sad for my liking. I stood from my chair and made my way to where she was standing by the window. She looked up at me with curious eyes. I tucked a stray strand of red hair behind her ear and leaned in.

"Perhaps _this_ would help you remember" i said in a low whisper and soon i captured her lips with mine. She tasted so sweet and i felt so light. Her lips were like a drug, once you get hooked theres no way of getting out.


	15. Ch 15 A portrait

Chapter 15. A portrait.

He kissed me, it was a sweet kiss which only lasted a few seconds before he pulled away, his lips curled in an amused smirk as my cheeks quickly became as red as my hair. A knock on the door pulled our attention away from each other and i sighed a sigh of relief when cal looked away from me. What happened between us was beyond any explanation. I could still feel his lips on mine and i couldn't help the slight chill that ran the length of my spine.

"I-i'm sorry to disturb you sir, but its time to go" a frightened looking boy said to cal. Why would he be so afraid of cal? He is such a charming person.

"Ah, yes. I'll be right there" cal nodded and the boy ran off to where ever he was supposed to go. Cal looked at me once more and smiled softly. I was still a bit dazed by the kiss and i honestly don't know if i should be happy or not. But judging from the heat on my cheeks and the sudden flips of my stomach i was definitely happy.

"W-where are you going, cal?" I asked a bit breathless as he pulled me by the waist, pressing me closer against him. There goes the stomach flips again! He kissed my forehead but soon lets go of me, i was a bit disappointed at the lost contact.

"Don't worry love, i'm just going to a business meeting" he said and gathered his coat from his leather chair by the desk. "I'll be back later, so i'll see you at dinner" he had said and kissed my hand before leaving. I blushed.

Maybe cal really is my lover, but i still cant remember. If only i hadn't lost my memory then i wouldn't have to be so clueless about everything! Perhaps rose can tell me what i was like before. I nodded at myself and set out to find my sister, maybe she could provide me with answers.

* * *

I was walking around the huge mansion looking for my sister but to no avail i cannot seem to find her anywhere! I stared out the tall glass window and saw jack in the garden, his brows were drawn together and he held his chin between his thumb and index finger as if thinking really hard. I decided to go see what he was doing. Earlier this afternoon when i arrived from the hospital, rose had introduced jack as her fiancé, if so then he must at least know something about my past.

I breathed in deeply once i stepped out into the vast garden, the air was cool and the flower's fragrance made it even more relaxing. Jack had his back towards me, he was standing beside an easel with a blank canvas, his painting materials laid out in a lawn table. He still had that thoughtful look on his face.

"What got you so serious all of a sudden jack?" I chirped as i stood beside him, he visibly jumped in surprise when he heard my voice.

"For gods sake iris don't sneak up on me like that! Are you trying to kill me with a heart attack?!" He said with a boyish smile, i laughed at him and he did the same.

"Sorry, if i had known you were such a scaredy cat i wouldn't have done that" i said and studied his painting materials, they all seemed brand new and rarely used. The paint were still full and the palette was still clean of any colour.

"Are these new? The seem a bit unused" i said while holding up a brush. The ends of the bristles were still soft and dry. Jack nodded in agreement.

"Yea, back then i couldn't afford much of these things, but cal bought them for me, he said i could use them to do my job" jack smiled, so did i.

"So you are a painter, or should i say an artiste!" I said happily and he smiled back at me.

"Yup! But i work for cal now, but to be honest i think cal only gave me this job because were friends now. I mean why would he even need a personal painter or artiste or whatever you guys call it" jack ran his fingers through his blonde hair and smiled happily at me.

"But thats good isn't it? At least now you can do what you do best! Perhaps i might not know much but i think its a wonderful thing to be such good friends with cal, he... _Intrigues_ me, but i don't even know who he is in my life" i said a bit sadly at the end. It was true, i don't know cal, not now when i don't even know myself. I feel so unsure of what i should do. As if sensing my distress, jack wrapped an arm around my shoulder and gave me a light squeeze of reassurance. I think i like having jack as a big brother.

"Don't worry, you'll remember, if not soon then later but still, you shouldn't loose hope iris, thats just not who you are! The iris i used to know is always so happy and full of hope, and i know that even if you don't remember, you still have it in you. You just have to dig a little deeper" jack said and i smiled. No wonder rose fell in love with him, jack truly did have a heart of gold. He pulled away from me and grabbed a brush and the palette.

"Now, why don't you sit down over there and help me with my painting" jack pushed me towards a bench and told me to sit still, i did as i was told and jack said that i was perfect for the job.

"Cal would love a portrait of you" he said and i felt my cheeks grow hot as i remembered what happened earlier.

After about three hours of motionless sitting jack finally finished his _"master piece" _i just laughed at him when he said it would be his greatest work yet. I came towards him to see the finished product but he suddenly covered it with a white fabric, shielding it from my eyes.

"Don't i get to see it? Because i really think i should, since i was the model, jack" i whined and he just grinned at me.

"No,no. You will see it later at the gala, which is two days from now but for now its i will be the only one to appreciate my magnificent talents" he laughed and i rolled my eyes at him, he really is like a child.

* * *

That night at dinner my mother and rose were present at the table, i sat beside rose and cal sat on the head of the table. Dinner was a quiet affair, mother and cal were talking to each other about business.

"Where were you this afternoon, i was looking for you" i asked rose politely and she smiled sheepishly, her eyes glimmered under the crystal chandelier.

"Sorry, i fell asleep in the library, i was half way through my book when i dozed off and lost track of time." She smiled and i nodded.

"Thats alright, but maybe tomorrow we can go into town and explore?" I asked hopeful and she smiled.

"Yes of course, that would be lovely, jack can join us too if you like, isn't that right dear?" Rose said to jack who was sitting across from her. He stared at her chewing his chicken.

"Yeah, its fine, i could accompany you ladies if you want" he said then smiled.

"Thanks jack" i said and ate my dinner quietly.

* * *

**_Hey guys! So sorry for the late update but my tablet suddenly died and i lost all of my saved documents, and i was such an idiot for not having a back up so i had to re-write everything! And i mean everything! So yeah, i hope you guys enjoy even if it is a bit short, i'm still working on the next chapter._**


	16. Ch 16 Nightmares

Chapter 16. Nightmares

_'It was dark, the air was freezing and the piercing cold of the water engulfing me stung through my flesh like hot knives. I can hear muffled screams and pleas for help but none came, soon i felt myself surface and was met with the biting wind against my skin. People splashed around me like a flock of birds flapping their wings mercilessly, something suddenly grabbed my arm and when i turned around i was met with a dead corpse. Her hand clutched at my arm with a vice like grip and a dead child was slung over her shoulder. Their eyes were white and wide open. I screamed for help! Soon more dead corpse surrounded me and all i can do was scream at the top of my lungs'_

* * *

I jolted up in bed. My face was covered in cold sweat, i had the most terrifying dream! Suddenly the door creaked open letting a shred of light pass through my dark room and a tall figure walked in. It was cal, his brows were furrowed; a sign of worry. He was wearing a dark silk robe over his sleeping garments.

"Whats wrong my dear? I can hear you screaming from across the hall" he said, the concern was evident in his voice.

I sighed, releasing a breath i didn't know i was holding. Cal sat beside me on the bed, if people were to see an unmarried couple like this they would surely think us improper. Wait! Did i just say that we were a couple?! Well are we? I'm not so sure.

I shook my head, wiping the sweat from my forehead.

"I-i'm fine, i just had a nightmare is all" i said quietly. The room was dark, only the light from the moon peeking through my window illuminated the room. Cal cupped my face in his hand the other raking through my hair. He pulled me closer towards him until we were pressed together in a hug. Chills ran down my spine when he kissed the bottom of my ear.

"Its fine, i'm here i won't let anything harm you, iris" he whispered and i melted immediately. Was this wrong? This feeling in my chest... Could it be love?

I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my head at the crook of his neck, he was so warm yet his hands were cold against my skin, but it felt oddly comforting.

"Cal?" He turned his head towards me.

"Yes my dear?" I looked into his dark eyes and my heart skipped a beat.

"What am i to you?" I was taken a back by my own question but i didn't let it show, but cal didn't seem surprise at all. He just smiled at me and lightly kissed my forehead.

"You are my most precious iris, my one true love and treasure" i blushed at his straight forwardness, is this what our relationship with each other is like? Surely i too feel something for him, but i barely know a thing about him at the moment.

Cal smirked at me, as if sensing my confusion. He leaned in closer and soon his lips were on mine, his teeth lightly biting my bottom lip and i gasped in surprise, he wasted no time and quickly slipped his tongue in my mouth. The sensation made my skin tingle as his tongue brushed against mine. I let my hands wander from his waist to his hair as he slowly pushed me down on the bed; our lips never parting. Soon the need for air became a struggle and we pulled apart but only for a mere few seconds as he soon took my bottom lip in his, nibbling and biting softly. I moaned and wrapped my arms around his neck.

Suddenly cal pulled away from me, i stared at him a bit confused. Why did he stop? Did i do something wrong? He sat beside me, perfectly still and his breathing laboured.

"Whats wrong?" I asked timidly. He turned to me and a look of guilt was plastered on his handsome face. No no no, please don't say that you regret it! He stood up and shook his head.

"Nothing's wrong love, please go back to bed and get some sleep" he said and went out the door quietly. I was so confused. I felt tears well up in my eyes as a feeling of rejection and worry washed over me. Did he regret what he did? Did he not feel the same as i did? Maybe i was wrong, maybe i assumed too much, maybe he was just kidding when he said that i was his one true love...

I slumped on the bed, suddenly feeling cold without cal's presence. The room suddenly felt so dark and big. The fear soon came creeping back in as i remembered my dream. Where did those images came from? Was it a part of my past? I sure hope not.

Sleep didn't come to me after cal left, i had the longest night ever.

* * *

The next morning when i got out of bed i still hadn't had any sleep. Dark bags hung below my eyes and i looked even paler than i already was. After my bath, my mother came into my room to help me get dressed. Boy did she know how to tie a corset. It was so tight i could barely breath! I wore a floral peach dress with sheer sleeves and a satin sash. My hair was pinned up with a very familiar looking gold and emerald butterfly comb.

Breakfast was a dreary affair, my mother wouldn't stop talking about gossip and rose, jack and cal wasn't present so i had to deal with it by myself. Is she always this shallow? I love my mum! I really do but she just have this really uptight and shallow personality that i cant seem to het through.

And cal, well cal just left me last night without an explanation. I cant help but feel that he is avoiding me to save me from the embarrassment of rejection. I felt so pitiful!

"Iris are you even listening?" My mother said as she sipped her tea.

"Yes, you were saying something about Lord Hamish and Amanda Windermere having an affair" i said not really paying attention to her. She looked at me questioningly for one second before continuing to bladder about some new gossip. I still couldn't take my mind off of cal and last night's events.

After breakfast i excused myself from my mother and took a walk on the garden. I heard laughing and giggling behind the bushes so out of curiosity i sneaked on the person hiding behind the tall greeneries. My eyes widened when i saw jack and rose laying on the grass together, a smile playing on jacks lips as rose laughed at what he was saying to her. I suddenly felt a heavy weight on my chest. I envy them so much, how i wish i had someone to share laughs with or a kiss from behind the trees. My mind wandered again to a certain brown eyed Hockley who seemed to have captured my heart. I sat on a bench and stared up at the sky. If only i hadn't lost my memory, then maybe i wouldn't feel so alone.


	17. Ch 17 The music box

Chapter 17. The music box

I haven't seen cal ever since the night before. He had been so busy with the preparations for the gala the Hockley's held yearly or so i've been told. Rose and jack too were busy with the preparations for their own wedding only weeks away from now leaving me without any company other than my mothers. At first i actually enjoyed spending time with her, it helps me reconnect with my past self, the one that i've forgotten, but lately all she thinks about is me and my looks and my poise or even the way i sip my tea! It was clearly preposterous!

The nightmares though had started to visit me often, specially on rainy nights. Dead corpse's and cold water piercing into my skin haunt my dreams each night. They were just so vivid that i cant help but feel that it actually happened, i never told anybody of what my nightmares were about although people would ask me relentlessly. My memory started coming back a bit, but only fragments of my past life, blurred images of my childhood and my father, but nothing too specific at all, i still don't remember how i met cal or jack or how i got from England to America. No one would tell me, they all said i had to remember by myself.

Everything was dreary nowadays, nothing exciting ever happened around the vast estate, so here i am wandering through empty and unused hallways on the west wing of the Hockley Mansion. Everything in this place looks so lavishly made and expensive. Walls lined with tall stained glass windows, marble pillars carved with many figures of angels and roses and ivies, and dozens of huge doors made from glossy dark oak leading to luxurious saloons and libraries and bedrooms, not to mention the series of intricate crystal chandeliers that hung on every high arching ceiling with articulate paintings. The Hockleys sure know how to live a life of luxury and grandeur.

I walked further into the dimly lit corridors, my foot steps were the only sounds echoing in the grand hall. I was currently exploring each room, some were empty and sparsely decorated while some were beautiful and had gold leafing on every corner.

A door suddenly caught my eye, it was unlocked and the doorknob was lower than usual, it was obviously meant for a child. I entered the room, dust and cobwebs lined the furnitures and other trinkets on each shelve. It was a boys nursery. A small bed occupied with mint blue pillows and stuffed animals was placed on the far wall, a chest full of dusty old toys sat at the foot of the bed and a small wooden desk sat on the left.

"I wonder who this room belonged to" i whispered to myself. I walked towards a bookshelf littered with old books and dusty picture frames and found a portrait of a small boy with chocolate brown hair and big doe eyes. He looked a lot like cal. Then realisation hit me, it was his room. Cal.

The thought of cal as a small child made me smile widely at myself. I wandered the room for a moment more before finding a small golden box with a small key on the back. A music box. I turned the key a couple of times before opening the lid, soon a small bear appeared and a tune started to play.

"Such an odd tune..." I said to myself. It was so very oddly familiar, like I've heard it before, somewhere i cant quite remember. Then suddenly flashes of dancing images started racing through my brain like a blizzard. Grand foyers and tall glass ceilings and the smell of cold sea breeze overwhelmed my senses, i can almost see blurred visions of couples dancing in fabulous satin dresses and finely tailored waist coats.

"You know its rude to be sneaking about in someones home..." I almost jumped at the sound of the voice, it came from cal who was leaning by the doorway; a smirk placed on his lips. I sighed at the sight of him.

"I-i wasn't sneaking, i was merely curious" i said stubbornly and crossed my arms against my chest, which only made him smirk even more. My heart started beating faster the moment he started walking towards me until he was standing right in front of me, his hand held out to me. I raised an eye brow.

"What are you doing, cal?" I questioned.

"I'm asking you to dance my dear" he smiled at me and then took my hand; pulling me flushed against him, the tune continued to play the haunting melody that seems to bring me back to the past. A past that even i cant remember.  
**_( watch?v=VRs6xGzYJKs music box tune)_**

Soon we were dancing around in small circles that brought me closer and closer to him until he held me into a warm embrace, his chest was pressed against my back while he tenderly wrapped his arms around my waist. I could feel his warm breath against my cheek as he whispered soft words.

"I love you, iris. I always did" he kissed the back of my neck and i immediately gasped. I quickly turned to face him and soon i found his lips against my own, all thoughts seem to fly away from my mind as i melted onto his arms. The music box soon stopped playing but neither of us noticed nor cared. And suddenly an image of cal dancing with me under a high glass ceiling to the tune in the music box crept its way into my mind.

My first night onboard the ship of dreams. And there i danced with the man i love. I wore my favourite blue gown and my new satin gloves and then...

* * *

_**- Cliff hanger! Haha sooo sorry guys, i just couldn't help myself haha! Well anyways sooo sorry for not posting for like forever! Ive been having issues lately and didn't find myself to be emotionally stable enough to write a good chapter. But i hope you guys enjoy this one.**_


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